<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Bundle of Contradictions by suckmyballs (orphan_account)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347004">A Bundle of Contradictions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/suckmyballs'>suckmyballs (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, References to Depression, bunny centric - Freeform, triggering topics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:47:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/suckmyballs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It started off small. Unnoticeable. Not anything too concerning. Though, that's how terrible things always start off, huh? The twisted, fucked up things that you don’t even realize are that bad unless you let yourself think about them for too long. Leopold “Butters” Stotch let himself believe that what he was doing was okay. It was not okay. Not to anyone, especially himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Ike Broflovski &amp; Karen McCormick &amp; Tricia Tucker, Ike Broflovski/Karen McCormick, Karen McCormick/Tricia Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Cry Me A River</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! I just wanted to give another TRIGGER WARNING to anyone who might have skimmed over the tags and didn't notice it. This story implies/references, and at times may even describe eating disorders, physical and emotional abuse, and other topics that may be triggering to some people. If you are triggered or feel that any of these topics may trigger you, I definitely don't recommend reading this if you suffer from any of those things. </p><p>I'm not writing this to romantisize eating disorders, because that is just fucking disgusting, harmful, and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have suffered from an eating disorder and I have started to get better and get over it, even though I still have trouble with the psychological effects of it. </p><p>I wanted to write this because I wanted to show other people that suffer or have suffered from eating disorders in the past that they are not alone. Eating disorders aren't a joke, they aren't fucking funny, and this story will not treat them like something that's not serious or portray them in an untrue, harmful, or romantisized way. </p><p>And if you aren't bothered by any of these topics, I hope you enjoy the story! I'd really appreciate any comments about things you liked or any constructive criticisms you may have so that I can improve and make this story better! I've never claimed to be good at writing, but it's something I enjoy doing, so yeah. The earlier chapters, 1-halfway of 4 were written a VERY long time ago, so they're not that great, but I've edited them to the best of my ability- though I could probably do a lot better lmao- so I hope you can look past that! ENJOY! :))</p><p>PS: the title of this chapter is named after "Cry Me A River" by Leslie Gore, though it was also inspired by "Oh Ana" by Mother Mother (10/10 recommend, it's a good song)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started off small. Unnoticeable. Not anything too concerning. Though, that's how terrible things always start off, huh? The twisted, fucked up things that you don’t even realize are that bad unless you let yourself think about them for too long. Leopold “Butters” Stotch let himself believe that what he was doing was okay. It was not okay. Not to anyone, especially himself. </p>
<p>He started limiting himself little, by little. First it was the bread (too many carbs for his liking), then the pasta, and even the occasional treat; whether it was sweet or salty. And before he knew it, after he had crossed almost everything off the list, all he had left was eggs, apples, bananas, and oatmeal. And in some sort of sick, twisted, fucked up way; he was proud of himself. </p>
<p>He prided himself in his “self-control”. </p>
<p>Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? Looking back at what started all these thoughts and actions might be the key in finding out what’s truly the issue. Maybe it started when his mother always grabbed his little tuft of belly fat and teased him for it- for something that he couldn’t control? Maybe it was when Cartman and the rest of the gang manipulated him into becoming fat that one time so they could become famous. Maybe it was from how his father always told him that he was soft and round, like a girl, and that he had man boobs that were bigger than his mother's? Or maybe it was when he ate his dinner really fast one night, and his father told him to “stop acting like a little piggy”? Whatever it was, it significantly affected him, spiraling him downward into a depressing adolescence full of hunger, sadness, and pain. It made him feel like he was the scum of the earth, that he was so disgusting and ugly, and <em> fat </em>, that he felt like limiting himself to the lowest amount of calories that he could have without passing out. Butters became so obsessed with the number on the scale, or the number of calories, that it almost completely consumed him. Food became his entire world. </p>
<p>And the worst part about it was that no one noticed. No one cared. No one knew what was going on inside his head, and all of the pain and suffering he was going though. All silently, with no complaints. No one asked, no one knew, no one cared. No one tried to save him. Was it selfish for wanting to be saved? Was it selfish that he wanted someone to know his pain, to know what bothered him to his <em> core? </em> Was he just incredibly stupid for listening to that nasty little demon that ran around in his head? He didn’t know the answer, and he almost didn’t want to. <em> Maybe it was good that no one knew </em>, is what he tried to tell himself. He didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems; they had their own things to deal with. </p>
<p>So he kept it all in. He bottled it up, and stored it away; always wearing a bright smile on his face. He didn’t fight back, even when Eric and his mean friends always came to beat him up; his cheerfulness always pissed them off to no end. </p>
<p>Butters felt so dissociated from reality, he didn’t even know who he was anymore. He didn’t know who he was even supposed to be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Butters woke up from another restless night of sleep, and stayed in his bed, staring apathetically at the ceiling. It still had the glow-in-the-dark stars that Kenny and him had spent hours sticking up when they were little. It took them almost the whole day because they wanted to cover the entire ceiling, but it had totally been worth it though. The stars were like his little protectors, he liked to think. They kept him safe at night, just like Mysterion. He smiled slightly, reminiscing at the happy memories. </p>
<p>He could feel the hunger gnawing at him, rattling his bones; desperate to be fulfilled. Butters was used to it at this point though- it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. Maybe that shouldn’t be a usual thing, he thought, but he pushed it away to the back of his mind.  </p>
<p>It was the first day back from spring break, and Butters was <em> not </em>excited. He had let himself enjoy not having to worry about Eric Cartman, or the bullies, and spent the extra time he had to pay special attention to his eating. In some kind of fucked up way, he was proud of his weight loss. He had lost maybe two quarters of what he was before- well, when he started doing this, at least- but he still knew he had a long way to go. Butters sighed at the thought, and begrudgingly pushed himself up to go to the bathroom. He did his business, brushed his teeth, and showered quickly. </p>
<p>When he went back to his room, he packed his calorie counting notebook into his backpack, and quickly ran downstairs to pack a banana and his pack of gum. Y’know, just in case he felt like he would faint. Butters swiftly ran back upstairs to change out of his pajamas, and put on some proper clothing. He pulled on his favorite sweater, and was happy at how much more it hung off his thinner frame. Butters rustled through his closet to find a decent pair of pants that he didn’t look “fat” in. He decided on a looser pair of jeans, and when they practically fell off of him he found a belt and buckled it as tight as it would go. He grabbed a zip-up sweatshirt, and pulled it on, already feeling warmer. Even with his sweater he was still cold. He didn’t know why, but he had been feeling a lot colder lately. He shrugged it off as the cold weather still lingering, but the logical part of him didn’t quite believe it. </p>
<p>Grabbing his bag, he walked down the stairs, and went down to see his mother. He still had five minutes until it was really time to go, so he figured he could talk with her for a bit. He was glad that his father wasn’t home, because he would’ve made him feel even worse. She looked up from her book when Butters sat next to her, and gave him a small smile. He returned it and played with his fingers nervously as he looked down at his hands. His bones protruded more than they did at the beginning of the break, and he felt a bit giddy from this small accomplishment.</p>
<p>“Butters?” his mother asked, bringing him out of his thoughts. He looked up, and hummed in acknowledgement. “Are you excited for school, honey?” she asked cheerfully. </p>
<p>He almost wanted to say no, but not wanting to worry her he replied with, “Yeah, I’m real excited,” and added some cheer in his voice, just for good measure. She smiled, and gently patted his hand. </p>
<p>“I’m glad, I think this will be good for you. You just seemed.. a little off this week. Is everything alright, Butters?” she said with some worry lacing her voice. He smiled, and felt better knowing that she (sort of) cared. </p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me mom, I’m just fine!" he assured her cheerfully. He got up and kissed her cheek before she could say anything else so he could quickly leave for the bus stop. When he spotted Eric and the rest of Stan’s gang, he cautiously continued heading over. Unluckily for him, Eric saw him first. </p>
<p>“Well look what we have here guys, it's our dear friend Butters." he said with an evil grin. Kyle rolled his eyes, and Stan looked over at him. Kenny looked up from his shoes, and gave a wave. Butters smiled nervously, and quickly walked over to Kenny’s side while he tried to get as far away from Eric as possible.</p>
<p>“Hey Butters.” Stan said cooly, and Butters gave him a little wave. </p>
<p>“Sup Butters.” Kenny said, and Butters turned to look up at him. Kenny grew a couple of more inches since he last saw him, and was now even more taller than him. Not eating enough didn’t really help with getting a growth spurt, but he didn’t dwell on that thought too long. </p>
<p>Kenny was looking as handsome as ever though, his shaggy, dirty blond hair was brightened in the sunlight, and his sapphire blue eyes shone brightly along with his signature toothy smile. He had small gaps between his teeth, but it made him look even more sincere when he smiled. </p>
<p>“Hey there Ken.” Butters greeted with a soft smile, and felt his cheeks redden slightly. Kenny smiled and nudged him a little. </p>
<p>“So, how was your break, dude?" he asked with that goofy smile of his that Butters loved. He pondered for a moment, thinking of an answer. He might as well play cool. No need to worry anyone. </p>
<p>“It was good, I didn’t do too much though. How about you?" he asked. </p>
<p>“Pretty shit if I’m being honest, but whatever," he replied, laughing a little, “I wish we could’ve hung out, man.” Kenny said with a slight pout that Butters couldn’t help thinking was adorable. He <em> really </em> wanted to kiss him. He was sure Kenny would be good at it too; Butters knew he had a lot of experience under his belt. Though, it was too bad Kenny would never like someone as gross and fat as he was. </p>
<p>“Yeah me too.” Butters agreed with an earnest smile. He felt bad, because he was avoiding any sort of hanging out with anyone, because he didn’t want to feel the pressure of having to eat anything. It was sad, and really stupid, because who worries about eating? Who cries about having to eat food?</p>
<p>“Maybe we could today if you wanted. Hang out, I mean.” Kenny said, rubbing the back of his neck. Butters was surprised to see he was.... nervous? That was pretty unlike him. </p>
<p>“I would really like that, Ken! U-Um.. M-Maybe you could come for dinner, ‘c-cause my mom’s makin’ pot pie..” and Butters regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. Why did he say that? Now he’d have to eat in front of Kenny! No, no, no, no… He really needed to think before he speaks. Jeez, he’s such stupid a blabbermouth. </p>
<p>“Hell yeah dude!" he exclaimed as the bus pulled up, “Come on, let’s go.” Kenny pulled him out of his tangled mess of anxious thoughts, and grabbed his wrist. Butters felt himself grow warmer at the contact, and faltered when he noticed Kenny’s slight frown as they got on the bus. </p>
<p>Kenny led them all the way to the back row, far away from Eric, which he was grateful for. He let Butters slide in first, and once he sat down he looked at him seriously. His deep blue eyes were filled with so much thoughtfulness and concern that Butters felt like he didn’t deserve at all.</p>
<p>“Butters, are you okay, man? Uh.. I didn’t want to offend you or anything, but.. I don’t know, you just look a lot thinner since last time I saw you.” Kenny asked and gently put a kind hand on Butters’ shoulder. </p>
<p>“D-Do..don’t worry Kenny, I’m fine." he said and laughed nervously, and Kenny gave him an incredulous look, “I swear, Ken! I’m fine. I-I’m all good okay? I don’t want you to go on worrying about silly ole’ me.” Kenny frowned slightly in suspicion, and lifted his hand from Butters’ shoulder. </p>
<p>“If you say so…" he mumbled as he glanced at him doubtfully. Butters internally sighed with relief, and tried to think of something to resolve the tension. </p>
<p>“Um.. h-hey Ken, did you have breakfast? ‘Cause I brought an extra something for you.” Butters said as he diverged topics easily.</p>
<p>“Really? If you don’t mind, that would be awesome.” Kenny said and smiled at him appreciatively. </p>
<p>“‘Course, Ken,” Butters searched through his backpack and pulled out the banana that he had packed before. He handed it to Kenny, and felt sad seeing him scarf it down quickly. It was these moments that made Butters feel like a selfish asshole. </p>
<p>While Kenny’s family barely feeds him, Butters is too afraid to eat almost half the stuff he has at home, and throws away his sometimes barely touched meals. It made him question why he even does this in the first place, but he didn’t let himself think about it.</p>
<p>
  <em> Maybe he should. </em>
</p>
<p>“Thanks man, I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast yesterday." he said with a little chuckle. Butters smiled sympathetically, and patted his hand. </p>
<p>“I-It’s no problem, pal. J-Just let me know if you ever need anything." he said, and silently cursed himself at his stutter. His parents had taken him to so many speech therapy classes, but it never helped all that much. It was a bit better at school and with his friends, but whenever he tried to tell his parents that, it started up again which ended up totally disproving his case. </p>
<p>Kenny smiled gratefully, and nudged his shoulder. </p>
<p>“Same to you, dude.” Butters smiled softly at that, and tried to hide his blush. All of this blushing was really helping him feel warmer, though. </p>
<p>They sat in content silence for the rest of the bus ride, and hung out behind the school before class started. That’s where they found the goth kids, but since Kenny was kind of friends with them, they didn’t bother them too much. </p>
<p>“Who’s this poser?” Micheal asked, and Pete turned to look at him as well. </p>
<p>“Yeah, he looks like a major conformist." he said in monotone, and flipped his hair. </p>
<p>“This is Butters, guys. He’s cool, don’t worry about him. He’s not going to mess up your…” Kenny faltered for a moment, “Whatever it is that you guys do.” Butters turned to them and gave them a small smile and a wave. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, you’re that weird kid that liked the rain and happiness, or whatever." Henrietta said, and took a long drag from her cigarette. </p>
<p>That seemed to give Kenny an idea as he pulled out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket, and the lighter that Butters had given him for his birthday a couple of years ago- the one that he had decorated with cute little bunny stickers. He lit the cigarette, and Butters saw the tension that flooded from his body when he had his first inhale of smoke.<em> “The first one is always the best one,” </em>is what Kenny had always told him. </p>
<p>Butters could feel his stomach rumble and slosh around in dissatisfaction. He nervously looked around to see if anyone noticed and when no one did (no surprise there), he tried to hide the rumbling of his stomach and silently cursed at how loud it was. He did what he usually did, and sucking in and drinking some water also helped. And he learned from many sources that drinking water helps keep you fuller for longer. Butters knew he had to get out of here before Kenny noticed the rumbling, which would totally disprove what he told him earlier. He lightly tugged on Kenny’s arm, and rubbed his knuckles together nervously; a habit that never quite went away. </p>
<p>“I-I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I-I’ll be right b-ba..back." he stuttered out, and Kenny nodded. </p>
<p>“Okay dude.” Kenny said, looking at him with a relaxed smile before Butters all but ran off. </p>
<p>“Oh jeez, oh jeez..” Butters muttered to himself as he could feel the tugging, and gnawing, of his desperate hunger growing on him. He really should’ve eaten breakfast. Maybe he could’ve hung out with Kenny more. </p>
<p>When he caught sight of a water fountain, he quickly started to drink from it, not even noticing  how disgusting it was in his desperation. When he pulled back and saw all the nasty spots mold and gum stuck to it, he felt like he was going to vomit. He practically ran to the nearest bathroom, and he regurgitated his disgust into the first stall toilet. He backed away slightly, and leaned against the stall door. Butters felt tears roll down his cheeks, he could feel the excess vomit stuck on his teeth and around his mouth, and he gagged just from the smell alone of what was already in the toilet. He wiped his mouth with toilet paper, and threw it into the toilet bowl. He thought that he should probably go to the nurse, but then he remembered that he left his bag outside with the goth kids and Kenny. </p>
<p>Butters banged his head against the stall door in his frustration, and bit his lip so he wouldn’t let out a loud sob. More tears rolled down his cheeks, and he desperately wiped them away. God, he was such a crybaby. No wonder no one liked him. </p>
<p>He stood up quickly, which left him lightheaded, and he stared at the contents in the toilet. He was disgusted with the sight, and all he could see was the familiar red skin of an apple, and the yellow of scrambled eggs. He realised that most of the vomit was just water, and the rest was the small amounts of food that he limited himself too. Butters knew that this behavior wasn’t normal, that it wasn’t <em> okay </em>. But he didn’t want to be fat. </p>
<p>
  <em> He didn’t want to be fat. </em>
</p>
<p>These thoughts raced through his head, and he found himself slumped against the wall, and he couldn’t stop the swarm of hot tears that stained his cheeks. His eyes were red and puffy, and he didn’t stop the quiet sobs that fell in between his tears. Butters hid his face in his knees, and he didn’t even care when the bell rang to signal that class was starting. It was the first class he had with Kenny, and he just <em> felt so bad </em> that he couldn’t even bring himself up. God, he was such a baby, such a <em> little pussy </em>. He let these thoughts consume him while he continued to cry. </p>
<p>“Butters?” Kenny called out cautiously. “Uh...you never came back, so I came to look for you.” When he didn’t get a response, he lightly knocked on the bathroom stall, in their secret knock that they used whenever Kenny came through his window. Butters smiled slightly, even though his heart was aching, and jeez, everything just felt <em> so heavy </em>. “Come on Buttercup, I’m just here to help, okay?" he said gently. Butters sniffled, and hoped that Kenny wasn't getting annoyed with him. He always had the unfortunate talent of pissing people off. But this was Kenny he was talking about here, and Kenny didn’t have a bad temper.</p>
<p>Butters slowly stood up, and cautiously opened the stall door. He knew he looked like a wreck, and he could tell that Kenny knew it too. Kenny put both of their bags down, and pulled Butters into his arms. </p>
<p>“Dude, are you okay?" he asked, “I know you said you’re fine, but I don’t think you are.” Butters nodded against his chest, and held tighter onto Kenny. Kenny looked up when they heard footsteps coming from down the hall, and he pulled back a little to nudge Butters towards the last stall- the biggest one. He grabbed their bags, and guided Butters into the stall with his hand on his back. </p>
<p>Butters sat down on the floor with his arms curled around himself. This is the exact opposite of what he wanted to do today. Now he has Kenny all worried about him, he threw up, he let himself get too hungry, he’s missing class, he-</p>
<p>“Woah, woah, calm down, dude.” Kenny suggested, and rubbed his back comfortingly. “Hey, why don’t we practice breathing? Just follow me, okay?” </p>
<p>Butters copied Kenny when he breathed in, held it, then breathed out, repeating it over and over. Once his breathing was sorted out, Kenny pulled him against his shoulder, and Butters let himself breathe in Kenny’s calming scent of menthols and the earthy scent of whatever pile of grass, or dirt he had lied in. At that moment, he didn’t care that all of this was pretty gay, he just enjoyed being close to Kenny in his moment of comfort seeking. </p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Kenny asked carefully. Butters shook his head, and leaned closer into him. Kenny sighed, and gently dropped his head on top of Butters’, “You’re going to have to sooner or later.” </p>
<p>They just sat there in a comfortable silence; just holding each other with no words to break the tension that was looming over their heads, like a grand piano hanging by a thinning rope on top of a roof. Finally, Kenny broke the silence by clearing his throat and looking down at Butters.</p>
<p>“So...what happened?" he asked, and Butters was quiet for a minute. </p>
<p>“I-I.. I threw up." he stuttered. Kenny held onto him a little tighter, which he was grateful for. “I-I’m sorry.” </p>
<p>He felt so tired and all he wanted was to just sleep, but he didn’t want to miss this moment. If this was the closest he was going to get to being with Kenny, then he wanted to be able to hold onto it forever.</p>
<p>“No need to apologize, dude. We should probably flush it though.” Kenny said, and Butters smiled faintly as he shakily stood up, but quickly lost balance as he began to fall over. Kenny acted on his reflexes and stood up as well to catch him, which Butters was grateful for. </p>
<p>Butters walked over to the first stall and flushed the toilet. He stood there as he watched the contents of his stomach swirl around before they went down the pipe. Butters still stood there as he pondered the hysterical thoughts that still flowed through his head. He turned around and looked at Kenny, who was looking at him warily. </p>
<p>“Th-Thank you, Kenny.” Butters said with a drowsy smile, and he gently took hold of his backpack, swaying slightly as he put it on his shoulders. Kenny grabbed his arm to keep him stable.</p>
<p>“So...do you want to skip out?” Kenny suggested with a smirk.</p>
<p>“Yeah!” Butters said excitedly with a laugh, “I’d go <em> anywhere </em> with you, Ken," he said it so earnestly that it made Kenny’s face heat up. He tried to hide it by coughing into his hand, and putting on a cool facade. </p>
<p>“Cool, so uh...maybe we should go through the window?" he said, and gestured to the small window that was high up towards the ceiling. Butters knew that Kenny could definitely fit through it, but he’d be too fat for it.</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t know if I could fit, Ken..” Butters said, embarrassed of his “larger size”. Kenny looked at him like he was retarded, and narrowed his eyes. </p>
<p>“Are you serious, dude?” Kenny asked incredulously. When Butters nodded and rubbed his knuckles together, Kenny laughed in disbelief. Butters face grew even more red, and he hid his face in his hands. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Kenny..” Butters apologized shyly. Kenny frowned, and patted Butters on the back. </p>
<p>“Dude, you don't need to apologize. You’d definitely fit through there, man. I think you might even be thinner than me at this point!” Kenny said with a chuckle. Butters still wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t say anything. He was just saying that to spare his feelings. </p>
<p>Kenny led him to the window, and swiftly jumped up to open it, and jumped back down to throw their bags out. Kenny knelt down and conjoined his hands together. Butters was confused for a second, but then he walked over and put one foot on Kenny’s hands, and panicked when he almost fell. He steadied his hand on Kenny’s shoulder, and grabbed the windowsill while Kenny helped hoist him up. When he went through, he watched as Kenny easily jumped up and crawled through. Kenny flopped down onto the grass as he laughed, and Butters smiled softly. </p>
<p>Maybe today would be okay, after all. </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They decided to go to Kenny’s house, since only Kevin was home, and he could give less of a shit about what they were doing. When they walked into the living room, the T.V was blasting what obviously sounded like porn, and Butters immediately felt uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he thought sex was weird, bad, or anything like that, he just didn’t have much of a sex drive. </p>
<p>Kenny facepalmed as he walked further into the room. Butters just hid behind Kenny, and was horrified when he saw Kevin running his hand up and down his shaft. Butters covered his eyes and looked away. Kenny let out a yelp of, <em> “Fucking gross!” </em>, and Kevin turned around, hand still on his dick. </p>
<p>“Jesus Christ Kevin, get a fucking room!” Kenny exclaimed with disgust. Kevin quickly zipped up his pants and stood up. </p>
<p>“Well it’s not like I knew you were going to be here!" he shouted and threw his hands up. </p>
<p>“Fucking sick!" he yelled as he dragged Butters down the hall to his room. He closed the door and fell face-first on his mattress. Butters chuckled and dropped his bag on the floor, and lied down next to Kenny. </p>
<p>And through all that chaos, Butters forgot how hungry he was. He still had some gum, but he didn’t want to chew it in front of Kenny. He was scared of how he would react. Would he hate him? Would he think he’s gross? Would he realize how much of a fat pig Butters was, and refuse to talk to him again? God, Butters doesn’t think he could take that. He cared about Kenny too much to risk it. He decided this while staring at the ceiling, not noticing Kenny looking at him. </p>
<p>“What’re you thinking about?” Kenny asked suddenly. He was propped up on one elbow, and Butters noticed that his shaggy, dirty blond hair was getting a bit too long, and definitely needed a trim. The sunlight shone on his face, bringing out the blue in his eyes, and brightening all of his features. Butters turned on his side to look at him, and his face softened into a smile. </p>
<p>“You.” Butters blurted out. Kenny smiled and moved closer. </p>
<p>“Oh yeah?" he teased, “Well, I was thinking about you too.” Butters giggled, and looked down with flushed cheeks. </p>
<p>“Aww, jeez Ken, you’re making me blush!" he giggled, and played with his hands. Kenny airily laughed and faintly brushed his fingertips over Butters’ hands. Butters relished in how pleasant Kenny’s rough, calloused fingertips felt against his soft, bony fingers. Kenny didn’t seem to mind though, and continued to glide his fingers down until he lifted up his hands and studied them, like he was trying to memorize every inch of them. Butters found the confidence to lace their fingers together, and held their hands between them. </p>
<p>“Hey Butters,” Kenny whispered, “Want to do something fun?” Butters slowly nodded, and Kenny smiled before he stood up, searching through his closet until he found what he was looking for. He brought over a cheap drawing pad and a few sticks of charcoal. </p>
<p>“Karen got them for my birthday." he supplied.</p>
<p>“Have you drawn anything yet?” Butters asked out of curiosity, and Kenny nodded. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ve drawn a few things, they’re not all that great though.." he dismissed, “You can look at them if you want.” Butters smiled, and gently pulled the book towards him. He flipped the cover open, and looked in awe at all of the drawings Kenny had made. They were little things, like birds, still lives, even a couple of people, and some silly little doodles. Butters was surprised to find that Kenny had drawn him as well. It was a quick sketch, but it looked so much like him that he was shocked. Looking back up at Kenny, he noticed how nervous he was. Kenny was looking at him in anticipation, waiting for him to say something. Butters smiled brightly, and patted Kenny’s hand. </p>
<p>“I think they’re beautiful, Ken!” Butters beamed, and Kenny smiled back. “I knew you liked to draw, but I didn’t know you were this good!” Kenny blushed and hid his face while he rubbed the back of his neck. </p>
<p>“Thanks Butters, but no need to exaggerate." he brushed off the compliment, and it made Butters sad that Kenny didn’t realize how amazing he was. </p>
<p>“I ain’t exaggeratin’, Ken.” Butters said in a stern but loving way, “I think you’re very talented.” </p>
<p>“Thanks man.” Kenny said, still not believing him, but wanted to drop the subject. He rubbed the back of his neck, and gave Butters a nervous smile, “I’d like to draw you though, Butters.” </p>
<p>“<em> Draw me like your french girls, Kenny </em>.” Butters jokes in a seductive tone while he stretched his body across the mattress. Kenny snorted and they both bursted into laughter. </p>
<p>“You know what? Stay like that, shit, that’s a good pose." he smiled, and began to lightly sketch the outline of Butters’ body, which was almost completely hidden under his sweater. Kenny grinned as he looked over at Butters, who kept making faces to throw him off. </p>
<p>“Come on dude, pick a face," he said. Butters giggled and settled on his normal smile, which was earnest as always. Kenny smirked, and pulled the sketchbook closer to himself, and added more detail to it. Butters depressingly thought about how gross he must look right now, but tried to not to let it show on his face. He tried to think about happy things, like Hello Kitty, baby bunnies, and Kenny, of course. That never failed to make him feel better, though the delirium from his hunger also helped. And before he knew it, Kenny was done. Butters sat up, and crawled over to sit next to him. </p>
<p>Butters looked at the drawing in pure awe. It highly resembled him; it had his freckles, his rosy cheeks, his dimples, and the scar over his left eye. It felt nice knowing that Kenny studied all of those stupid, little features that even he forgot about sometimes. </p>
<p>“So, what do you think?” Kenny asked nervously. Butters beamed and held onto his hand. </p>
<p>“I love it, Ken!" he cheerfully exclaimed. It kind of scared Butters at how happy he was, because he knew it wouldn’t last long. Kenny always had that kind of power over him, though. </p>
<p>“I’m glad you like it," he said with a smile, “Do you want to keep it?” Butters smiled and nodded. </p>
<p>“If you don’t mind, of course.” Butters said softly, while playing with his fingers. </p>
<p>“Y-Yeah, of course.” Kenny’s voice cracked, “I mean, I made it for you, anyway.” Butters giggled, and scratched his cheek. </p>
<p>“R-Really? Well..well that’s real sweet of you, Ken.” Butters said shyly, and turned to look at him. </p>
<p>Kenny gazed into his eyes, and it felt like he was looking into the deepest parts of him. Seeing past all of the bad things, and looking right where it counts. Where the best parts of him were kept; the things that others made Butters feel were awful, and unacceptable. Butters studied Kenny’s face, every single part of him, Butters admired. They continued to stare until Kenny abruptly reached out to touch his face. He ran his calloused fingertips over Butters’ scar. The one that Kenny had given him; on accident of course. He frowned slightly, and traced it; up and down, over and over. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Kenny whispered, so that only he could hear. Butters shook his head, and put his hand over Kenny’s. </p>
<p>“It’s okay, Ken. It was a long time ago, anyway.” Butters dismissed. Kenny still frowned, and continued to gently prod at the scar. </p>
<p>“I still feel bad about it." he whispered, “It broke my heart, hearing you scream and cry like that.” </p>
<p>“Well, I was lucky I didn’t lose my eye.” Butters smiled sadly, “The doctor said that just an inch deeper, and I would’ve had to get a glass one.” Kenny’s eyes widened, and Butters realized he just made him feel worse. </p>
<p>“Kenny, it’s okay! I forget that it’s even there most of the time." he said, nonchalantly. Kenny still frowned, and pulled him into a hug. He rested his chin on Butters’ shoulder, and played with the hairs on the back of his neck. </p>
<p>“I was such a stupid kid, though. We were all so retarded for playing with actual weapons.” Kenny laughed sadly. “And we made you dress up as a fucking dog while there was a fucking ninja star lodged in your eye!” </p>
<p>“Kenny, it’s okay-” Butters tried to reassure him, but Kenny interrupted him. </p>
<p>“No dude, it’s not okay! Everyone treats you like shit, and they always get away with it. You always forgive them, and apologize for <em> their </em>actions, even though you’re like a literal fucking angel!" he argued, “I don’t know how you do it, man. You’re just so strong.” Butters sniffled, and hid his face in the crook of Kenny’s neck. </p>
<p>“Y-You’re too sweet to me, Ken.” Butters said with a watery laugh. “I don’t think I could do it without you." he whispered. </p>
<p>“No, Butters. It’s all you. It’s always been you." he said it so tenderly and thoughtfully, that it made Butters want to cry. He tried to hold back his tears, but then he started to sob into Kenny’s shoulder. Butters felt bad that he was soaking his shirt and neck with his tears. He’s never been a clean or pretty crier, unfortunately. “It’s okay, Buttercup, let it all out.” Kenny said softly, while rubbing circles down his back. He moved to rest his chin on top of Butters’ and gently placed his hand on the back of Butters head. Circling his fingers through the soft tufts of hair, “I’m here, it’s okay.” </p>
<p>Butters held onto him tighter, and never wanted to let go. Why was Kenny doing this for him? Why didn’t he leave him while he still had the chance? Was it selfish that he never wanted Kenny to go? <em> Yes, </em>a voice in his head answered, and he tried to ignore it, but it made him cry harder. </p>
<p>“You-You won’t leave me, right? Butters quietly asked between harsh breaths. He didn’t care how dumb he sounded, or how much snot was filling his nose; he didn’t want to lose Kenny. He had to tell him that, he wanted Kenny to know how much he needed him. That was his biggest fear, the one that came before being fat, or ugly, or even his father. Kenny was always there; if he was gone, Butters would have nothing left. </p>
<p>“I’m not going<em> anywhere </em>, man. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not." he said in all seriousness. Butters let out a muffled sob and continued to hold onto him.</p>
<p>When Butters managed to calm down, he rested his head against Kenny’s chest. And for once, he let himself enjoy the warmth he was feeling. It felt like he was lying in a field of daisies, his body soaking up all of the sun’s warmth, like he was a flower. It was rejuvenating. Relieving. It was the first time in a while, that food wasn’t the thought at the forefront of his mind. </p>
<p>“Do you feel better now, Buttercup?" he asked, and Butters nodded. </p>
<p>“Thank you, Kenny," he sniffled, “I’m sorry that I’m such a baby..” Kenny scoffed. </p>
<p>“You’re not a baby. It’s good that you know what you’re feeling.” Butters shrugged, and leaned closer. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess…" he said with uncertainty. Butters' fears came true, at the simple question that Kenny asked next.</p>
<p>“Hey, would you want to get food somewhere? My treat.” Kenny said with a toothy smile. Butters tensed up, and decided what he should say. He had millions of anxious thoughts swirling through his head, making his brain go haywire. Should he say yes? Should he say no? What will Kenny think? Will he think he’s weird? Will he stop talking to him? </p>
<p>“Um...s-sure, I’m not really hungry though.” Butters replied nervously. He used all his willpower to not to shake, but his anxiety had him in a dark, vice grip that made it hard to control. </p>
<p>“Ok dude.” Kenny said with a smile. Butters put his hands on Kenny’s chest while he leaned closer to hear his heartbeat. Maybe it would help him calm down a bit. He was surprised to find how fast Kenny’s heart was beating. </p>
<p>“Kenneth McCormick, are <em> you </em>nervous?” Butters said with a smirk. Kenny turned his head away to hide his reddening face. </p>
<p>“Nope." he said, trying to give off a cool facade. He stood up, and extended his hand towards Butters, “Come on, man. Let’s head out.” Butters smiled, and let Kenny pull him up. Kenny laughed in surprise at how easily he could lift him. </p>
<p>“Jesus dude, you’re really light!” Kenny exclaimed. He walked over to his dresser and reached into the back of his underwear drawer, pulling out a small wad of cash. He digs a little further, and grabs a few quarters before shoving it all into his pocket. </p>
<p>“Aw jeez, Ken. I don’t want you to waste your money on me.” Butters said softly, “You should save it for yourself.” Kenny frowned and walked over to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders while they walked down the hall. </p>
<p>“Nope. You’ve paid for me one-too many times, it’s my treat this time.” Kenny replied wholeheartedly. </p>
<p>While they walked down the hall, they heard some commotion coming from the kitchen. Kenny rolled his eyes, and pushed Butters behind him while they continued to walk down the hall. When they passed the entryway to the kitchen, Stuart was throwing things around in frustration while he seemed to be looking for something. Kevin was yelling at him to <em> “fuck off” </em> , and <em> “quit it” </em>. </p>
<p>“Where’s my motherfuckin’ money?!” Stuart slurred, and continued to throw things around. Kenny cringed when he smashed their coffeemaker against the wall. He backed him and Butters up against the front door, but wanted to stay in case Kevin needed help. </p>
<p>“It’s not your fucking money, asshole! You don’t even have a fucking job!” Kevin yelled, and stumbled when Stuart threw a drunken punch at his nose. </p>
<p>“Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!” Kevin yelled, and uppercut him, which left Stuart on the floor. He rolled his head back and passed out. Kevin looked up, and narrowed his eyes at Kenny and Butters.</p>
<p>“Kenny, get the hell out of here!” </p>
<p>“Fuck you too, asshole.” Kenny muttered bitterly, and flipped him off. He grabbed the keys to their truck, and tugged Butters out the door. </p>
<p>Kenny ran over and unlocked the driver’s side to the truck, and slid across the seat to unlock Butters’ side. Butters got in, and sat next to Kenny in the middle seat. Butters was worried when Kenny was quiet as they drove down the road. Kenny sighed in frustration, and propped his elbow on the truck door. Butters put his hand on Kenny’s arm, and gave him a worried glance. </p>
<p>“I’m fine Butters,” Kenny said through tight lips. Butters frowned and dropped the subject, not wanting to anger Kenny any further. He removed his hand from Kenny’s arm, and rested it in his lap. Then he leaned back in the seat and played with the end of his sweater. </p>
<p>They sat in a tense silence for what seemed like forever. Butters tried to not to seem uncomfortable, but the hunger began to hurt. He felt his abdomen throb with pain, from the emptiness of his stomach. It ached and begged to be fulfilled, not stopping until it got what it wanted. He grit his teeth, and cringed when he tried to sit up, he felt the searing pain creep up his spine, and spike through his stomach. Luckily for him, Kenny didn’t notice his struggling; seemingly too focused on whatever was going on in his head. Butters quietly whimpered at the pain, and tugged a bit more urgently at his sweater. The pain made him desperate to eat, but felt hopeless in knowing that they weren’t anywhere near food. It made him wonder why he was doing this to himself.</p>
<p>After what felt like an endless amount of time, the pain ceased, and the tension rolled from his limbs. He sighed in relief, and sagged against the seat. He looked up at Kenny, who was still focused on the road; his brows furrowed, knuckles white from his grip on the steering wheel, and his lips snarled into a frown.</p>
<p> Butters felt horrible that Kenny had to come home to what they had just witnessed, and completely understood his anger. He didn’t like when Kenny was angry though. He always felt like Kenny would hit him or something, though Butters knew that he would <em> never </em> do that. Maybe that’s just what he always expects when someone lashes out.</p>
<p>Butters didn’t know where they were going, but he didn’t mind. He just hoped his parents wouldn’t find out. And he would force himself to eat pot pie tonight, because he knows that he needs to make it up to Kenny for always putting up with his shit. Butters wanted to at least know where Kenny planned on taking them, so then he could plan when they should be heading back. The clock said it was one-thirty; it had been four hours since they had left school, though it didn’t even seem like it had been that long. He began to worry about what his father would do to him if he found out he had skipped, <em> especially </em> with Kenny. </p>
<p>Butters’ father didn’t like Kenny, which bothered him because Kenny was his best friend. Stephen Stotch was in no way an easy-going man. </p>
<p>His father always spouted nonsense about how Kenny was going to end up <em> “just like his deadbeat father”, </em> and how he wouldn’t be surprised if they found Kenny <em> “dead in a ditch”, </em> etc <em> . </em>Whenever Kenny had come over to his house, his father always looked at Kenny like he was a small bug crushed underneath his shoe; like he was dirty, stupid, and lower than his father. That’s why Butters only had Kenny over when his father wasn’t home. Linda was more forgiving than his father, but she still gave Kenny some occasional judgmental looks. At least she was willing to have him over for dinner and sleepovers, though.</p>
<p>Butters lightly tugged on Kenny’s sweatshirt, breaking him from his thoughts. Kenny hummed in acknowledgement, still looking at the road. </p>
<p>“Kenny? I was just wondering where you plan on going?" he asked quietly. Kenny shrugged, and ran his hand through his messy hair. </p>
<p>“I have no clue. I guess until I feel like going back." he said apathetically. Butters glanced at him, his eyes tight and worried. </p>
<p>“Are you <em> sure </em> that you’re okay?” Butters questioned with concern.</p>
<p>“I’m fucking fine,” Kenny grumbled, though Butters obviously didn’t believe him. </p>
<p>“You can tell me if something’s bothering you, y’know? You don’t always have to bottle everything up, Ken.”</p>
<p> Kenny sat up, and smacked his hands on the steering wheel in irritation. He gave Butters a piercing look that made Butters shrink under his gaze. </p>
<p>“Dude, just shut up! fucking shut up! God, you’re fucking annoying sometimes," he spat. Butters looked at him with wide eyes, and he leaned away from him fearfully. “Jesus Christ! Stop looking at me like I’m going to fucking hit you!” </p>
<p>Butters moved over to the other side of the truck, and tucked himself as close as he could to the door. Kenny was right, he was being annoying. Why does he always have to fuck everything up?</p>
<p>“I-I...I’m sorry, Kenny." he said quietly. Butters hid his face in his knees, and felt his thoughts consume him. He was such a horrible friend. Kenny probably hated him, and Butters wouldn’t blame him. Why was Kenny still even friends with him, anyway? He was annoying, he was stupid, and he was<em> so fat </em> . God, he sucked. Every part of his existence was pitiful and useless. He sucked, he sucked, he sucked, <b>he sucked</b> . He didn’t deserve Kenny. Kenny was too good for him. Kenny could’ve been hanging out with Stan, or Kyle. <em> Hell, </em>even Cartman would be better company than he was. </p>
<p>Suddenly the truck stopped, and he heard Kenny slam the door shut. Butters saw him walk into a convenience store, still looking kind of angry. Butters rested his chin on his knees, and stared down at the grimy floor of the truck. There were poptart wrappers thrown around, empty beer bottles strewn along the floor, and a few crumbled up cheeseburger wrappers. Looking at all the leftover food on the floor reminded Butters of how hungry he was, and wished that he knew Kenny was stopping here, so he could’ve asked for something. His stomach rumbled in disappointment, and he sunk his face even further in his knees. </p>
<p>Kenny opened up the door, and aggressively threw down a plastic bag filled with two twinkies, and a package of cigarettes. He slid a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon on the floor, and Butters internally cringed when it landed on a piece of gum that was still sticky. </p>
<p>“God dammit, everything’s so fucking expensive..” Kenny muttered under his breath when he got back into the truck. He started up the truck again, and looked over at Butters. When Butters looked at him with sad, fearful eyes, he sighed, and crossed his arms. </p>
<p>“I know that it’s nothing fancy, but I wanted to get you something," he said nonchalantly. Butters looked at the twinkies, and then put his face in his knees. “Come on, I got ‘em for you." he gently coaxed. Butters still didn’t move. Kenny sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. </p>
<p>“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I didn’t mean what I said," he assured. Butters didn’t say anything. “Come on, say something.” Kenny pleaded, but Butters still stayed silent. Kenny looked at him for a moment longer, before he started to drive back to South Park. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Smile, What's The Use of Cryin'?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Amends are made and life goes on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Howdy ho! I hope you liked the last chapter, and I'm here to serve you even more content! This chapter is pretty fluffy, so I hope you enjoy! ;))</p>
<p>PS: title of chapter is inspired by "Smile" by Jimmy Durante, though the cover by Nat King Cole is also one of my favorite ones too! An extra song that I recommend is "Homage" by Mild High Club!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The road twisted and turned for what seemed like thousands of miles. Sunlight shone through the windows, making the atmosphere seem peaceful, though it was anything but. The tension coiled like a rope, tight around their necks, making it hard to breathe. Butters was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>hungry. But he didn’t feel like giving into Kenny. What he said really hurt him, whether he meant it or not. Feeling bored from staring into darkness for so long, he slowly lifted his head from his knees, feeling like it was more of a big deal than it actually was. Butters didn’t even want to look at Kenny. What he said was mean, and it hurt him more than he thought it would. He guessed that when it comes from someone you’re really close to, it hurts more than it does from a random schoolyard bully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Staring longingly at the twinkies, he felt his stomach ache with desperation. He didn’t even mind that it was a processed dessert; Butters would eat anything at this point. Anything to take the pain away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny looked over, and saw him staring at the twinkies in the middle seat. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should say something, and ultimately decided that he should. The silence was getting to be a bit too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Butters, you can have them if you want.” Kenny assured, calmly. Butters turned his head down to the floor, not even wanting to look in the same direction as him. “I’m sorry, okay? What else do you want me to do?" he asked, starting to feel a bit annoyed. Butters scoffed, and looked out the window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-You’re an asshole.” Butters said as loud as he could, barely stuttering. He felt slightly proud of himself. “J-Just..just because you’re mad, it doesn’t mean you get to start sh-shouting at me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right. I’m sorry." he apologized. Butters didn’t say anything, and brought his gaze back down to the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What time is it?” Butters asked, quietly. Kenny looked over at the clock, and back at the road. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s three.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um… Do you still want to stay for dinner?" he asked, and Kenny still looked at the road when he answered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to?” Kenny peered over at him, and Butters nodded. “I’m really sorry, Butters. I don’t think you’re annoying </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>, okay? I didn’t mean it." he assured. Butters glanced over to him, resting his head on his knees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Kenny." he whispered with a soft smile. Sure, what he said had hurt a lot, but he knew that Kenny didn’t really mean it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny picked up the bag, and tossed it on the floor, next to the beer. He flashed Butters a look of silent invitation. Butters slowly shifted across the seat, and plopped down next to Kenny. He smiled down at Butters, and ruffled his hair. Butters giggled, and gently took hold of Kenny’s free hand. He tenderly studied Kenny’s hand with his fingertips, running his fingertips over the rough, calloused skin. He flipped his hand over, and traced the lines along the lines on his palm. Kenny laughed and peered over at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, what are you doing?" he said with a chuckle. Butters laughed softly, and continued to touch his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My Aunt Nellie does palm readings," he explained. “Did you know that you have a disconnected life-line?” Kenny hummed curiously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? What does that mean?” Kenny asked. Butters smiled and shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know!" he answered, and they both laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really believe in that kind of thing, though?” Kenny questioned, and Butters nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course! My Aunt Nellie told me it’s a good way of depicting the future and stuff. And we can use the readings to help us live a better life.” Butters smiled, and leaned on Kenny’s shoulder. “Do you believe in it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny thought for a moment before he shrugged, “I don't know, I think I’ll believe it when I see it.” Butters hummed in agreement, and continued to play with Kenny’s hand. “Are you going to eat those twinkies, dude? ‘Cause I’m starving." he exaggerated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We could share ‘em?” Butters suggested, and Kenny nodded. He bent over and grabbed the bag with his free hand, putting it in his lap. He pulled one out, and let go of Kenny’s hand to open one of them. He handed it to Kenny, and watched as he took a big bite of his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters grabbed the other one, and hesitated. He stared down at it in fear, and gulped as his thoughts began to race. Then he remembered how hungry he was, and figured that it wouldn’t really matter. It was just one day. Those thoughts of </span>
  <em>
    <span>“what if?”</span>
  </em>
  <span>, began to creep out, and sent him into a loop. He questioned whether he should eat it or not. He could probably just give it to Kenny, but then again; </span>
  <em>
    <span>he was so hungry. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Butters went with his first thought, and slowly opened it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> It was fine, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he was going to be fine.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hesitantly ripped off a small chunk and put it in his mouth. It felt nice, but also weird to finally have food in his mouth. His taste buds tingled in delight as he chewed the soft, fluffy treat. It was slightly concerning to him at how bright of a yellow it was, but he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so hungry</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t care anymore. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It felt freeing to just let himself eat, though it scared him so badly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Much to his disappointment, he ate the whole thing. He felt so disgusted with himself. Butters wished that he hadn’t eaten it. He began to panic; why did he eat it? He was so disgusting. He was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>fat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kenny was probably grossed out by him. He was such a pig! Butters wanted to cry, but he didn’t want to spring that on Kenny for a third time today. He stuffed the wrappers into the plastic bag, and leaned against Kenny again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hoped that Kenny didn’t mind how gay all of this was. Then again, Kenny did initiate most of their close contact anyway. Butters wrapped his arms around Kenny’s right arm, and hugged himself against him. Kenny quickly glanced down at him before turning his attention back to the road. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Butters?” Kenny asked, slightly concerned. Butters nodded, and faintly trailed his fingers down Kenny’s arm; taking a hold of his hand. He rubbed circles into it, and danced his fingertips along Kenny’s fingers. His calloused skin felt satisfying against Butters’ soft, delicate fingertips. Kenny flipped his hand over, and hesitantly intertwined their hands. Butters sighed softly, and ran circles into the side on Kenny’s hand with his thumb. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Butters could see how desperately he was trying to keep his cool. The whole situation with his family earlier was still probably in his mind- probably a whole lot of other fights that had went on in the past. He wished Kenny didn’t always try so hard to hide his emotions. It’s okay to let it show sometimes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny drummed his fingers along the steering wheel, and cracked the window open. Butters continued to massage Kenny’s hand, enjoying the close contact. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they got back to South Park, Kenny parked the truck onto the front yard of his house. He turned off the car, and leaned back against the seat. He chuckled, and covered his eyes with his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, that was one hell of a ride, huh?" he joked. Butters laughed softly as he nodded, and leaned back against Kenny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny opened the door, and got out. Butters slid over, and stood up on the edge. Kenny grabbed his hands, and helped him jump down. He leaned back into the truck to grab the beer that was probably warm by now. They walked to the door, but there was what seemed to be a heavy shouting match going on in the living room. He sighed and led Butters to the side of the house, over to his bedroom window. Carefully opening it, he helped Butters through and handed him the beer. When Kenny went in himself he missed the landing, and fell flat on his face. Butters dropped to the floor next to him, and helped him up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh jeez, Ken! Are you okay?” Butters tentatively touched his face, searching for any injuries. “You really have to be more careful, mister!" he scolded, “You could really hurt yourself!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny laughed it off, and rolled his eyes. “Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>." he teased, with a goofy smile. Butters lightly punched his arm, giving Kenny a stern look. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m serious!" he insisted. They stared at each other for a moment before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. Butters leaned on Kenny as they gasped for air; trying to control themselves. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Butters,” Kenny said with a smirk, “want to do something fun?” Butters nodded with uncertainty, and stayed on the floor while Kenny ran over to his closet in boyish excitement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Butters started, “I never know how to feel whenever you ask me that.” Kenny chortled, and continued to look through his closet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I swear on </span>
  <em>
    <span>my life</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Butters," he stuck his head out and placed it over his heart, “we’re going to have a good time." he winked, and turned back to the closet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you say so, Ken,” Butters replied, not totally convinced. However, Butters was not expecting Kenny to pull out a couple of horribly made, blond wigs, and a few of his old costumes from his childhood personas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I was looking through my closet the other day, and I found all this old crap," he said with a bright smile and pointed at Butters, who gave him a blank stare, “Hey, don’t give me that look!" he chided with a faux frown. Butters stood up, and placed one of the wigs on Kenny’s head. He fussed with it, pulling the hair out of his face, and fluffing it up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gosh, Kenny! You look stunning’!” Butters teased. Kenny shook his head around, causing strands of hair to fall across his face, and spit some out when it fell in his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well of course I do, Butters,” Kenny joked. He ran over to his ancient radio, and tuned it to the station he was looking for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> The familiar beat of </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m Too Sexy </span>
  </em>
  <span>played, and Kenny started to tap his feet and moved his body to the beat. He slid across the carpet, and threw the wig off on his mattress. Butters brows raised in amusement, and watched as Kenny sang along. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m too sexy for my shirt," he</span>
  </em>
  <span> pulled his shirt off and Butters’ eyes widened, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kenny ran his hands along his sides seductively, and rolled his hips in a way that left Butters mesmerized. He was aware that he looked surprised; with his jaw slack, and eyes widened. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m a model, you know what I mean,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kenny sang and gave Butters a wink. He swayed his shoulders, and moved his pointer fingers to signal Butters over. Butters smiled nervously, and walked over. Kenny held his hands in his, and swayed him to the beat. Swaying his hips slightly, Butters focused on Kenny’s eyes. They were </span>
  <em>
    <span>so blue</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and beautiful. He spotted the specks of green and yellow, and admired how they glimmered in the evening sunlight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was strangely enjoying himself for once, realising how much he missed spending time with Kenny. Some part of him felt like it was worth more than controlling his eating. He knew it was, but he also knew that he couldn’t deny the ‘bad’ thoughts, because they made some kind of sense to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kenny pulled him in closer, and wrapped Butters’ arms around his neck. Butters had to tiptoe because Kenny was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>much taller than him. Kenny laughed, and lifted Butters off the ground. He yelped, and held his hands together tightly on the back of Kenny's neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kenny! Put me down!” Butters begged, and shrieked when Kenny threw him over his shoulder. He banged his fists on Kenny’s back and swung his feet up and down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Put me down!" he pouted when Kenny continued to laugh, “This is no laughing matter, Kenny,” Butters stated seriously. The song still played in the background, and Butters screeched when Kenny started to dance again, making him feel like he was falling, since he had nothing to hold onto.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it! Come on, this isn’t funny!” Butters wailed, “I’m gonna fall! Stop it!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sensing that he wasn’t amused anymore, Kenny stopped dancing and maneuvered Butters so he was holding him normally. Butters wrapped his tiny legs around Kenny’s waist, and hid his face in his shoulder, making himself seem small. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, dude.” Kenny apologized, and swayed a bit, still holding onto Butters. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, though Butters didn’t mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Kenny," he suddenly said, and Kenny hummed in acknowledgement, “we should probably start headin’ on over to my place. I don’t want to make my parents worry.” Kenny nodded, and waited a moment before he gently put him down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters walked over to Kenny’s bed and grabbed his sweatshirt. He threw it on, and picked up his backpack. Before putting it on, he rifled through it until he found his phone. Wanting to make sure his parents hadn’t texted him, he was surprised, but relieved to see that he only had a text from his mom, asking him to come home before four-thirty. Butters was glad to see that it was only four-ten, leaving them with enough time to head over. He tossed his phone back in his bag, and looked over at Kenny, who was putting his shirt on. He quickly looked away to hide his heated cheeks, and walked over to turn off the radio for him. Kenny finished throwing the silly costumes in his closet, and tossed some clothes in his bag in case he slept over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Autobots! Roll out!" he announced with his fist in the air, and jumped out the window. Butters giggled, and walked over to sit on the windowsill. Doing this made him realize how short he was, seeing as the height from the ground to the window looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>very </span>
  </em>
  <span>far. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry princess, I’ll help you down,” Kenny teased, and Butters rolled his eyes. Kenny grabbed Butters by the armpits, and lifted him down, “Milady,” Kenny bowed, and Butters punched his arm, letting out a soft chortle.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s enough out of you, mister wise-guy,” Butters jokingly scolded. Kenny stuck out his tongue, and abruptly started to run ahead down the street. He put Usain Bolt to </span>
  <em>
    <span>shame </span>
  </em>
  <span>with how fast he was running. He ran as far as his long legs could take him- which was to the crosswalk- and was hunched over with his hands on his knees; out of breath. Butters laughed at the sight, and took his time walking over. He figured he could give Kenny some time to catch his breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he reached Kenny, Butters rubbed his back, and patted him gently. “It’s okay, little buddy," he soothed. Kenny stood up, and dusted off his knees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>out of shape,” Kenny said. Butters laughed and patted his arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least you’re a fast runner,” Butters suggested with a shrug. Kenny laughed, and put his arm over Butters’ shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, for like five seconds!" he retorted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their laughter echoed down the street as they braved their way through the barely populated streets of South Park. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Everytime You Stargaze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Howdy ho! Here's the third chapter, I hope you enjoy! This one is basically just as fluffy as last chapter, so enjoy it while it lasts ;)</p><p>PS: chapter title is inspired by "Dreamer" by Isbells, and another song rec is "The Love Club" by Lorde!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello Butters!” his mother greeted cheerfully from the doorway of the kitchen. Then she noticed Kenny, and waved, “Oh hello, Kenny,” she said with a bit less enthusiasm. </p><p>“Nice to see you, Mrs. Stotch," he replied. She smiled albeit more earnestly than before, and crossed her hands over her apron. </p><p>“Are you staying for dinner, Kenny?” she asked, and he nodded, “Great! Go wash your hands, boys, and I’ll set the table!” she chirped. They ran up the stairs, and raced each other to the bathroom. Kenny won, obviously. </p><p>“Man, is your mom on something? ‘Cause she seems a little bit.." he gestured to his head, and spun his pointer finger around. Butters shrugged, and thought for a moment. </p><p>“Well, I did hear my dad talking about putting her on medication. She’s been a lot happier lately, but sometimes it's a bit too much," he spoke calmly, and dried his hands on the hand towel that was neatly folded on the counter. </p><p>“Huh,” was all that Kenny said. They went back downstairs, and into the kitchen. </p><p>Linda was setting the table very quickly. Her hands were shaking, and she almost dropped the food. Kenny walked over and took a plate that was about to fall from her hands, and set it down on the table. Butters went to the silverware drawer, and grabbed some forks and spoons for them. He placed them down neatly, and carefully folded some napkins on the right side of the plate. </p><p>“Thank you for helping, boys!” she exclaimed while pulling off her apron, and stuffed it in the drawer, “Would you like something to drink?” </p><p>Butters didn’t say anything, and stared down at his plate. He really wanted to run, he just wanted to get as far away from here as possible. He didn’t want to eat. It was too much, he didn’t need it. He didn’t need food. He was fine without it. <em> He was fine. </em> He didn’t want to eat; he <em> really </em>didn’t want to. </p><p>“Uh, water’s fine.” Kenny said, and gave Butters a worried glance. Butters couldn’t hear him though. His thoughts consumed him, filled every last inch of his headspace, controlling him. It was horrible. He wanted to break free from it, but he didn’t know how too. It felt like he was in an empty room with locked doors all around him. Taunting him, knowing how desperately he wants to escape. </p><p>“Hey dude, are you okay?” </p><p>Butters snapped out of it, and looked over at Kenny, who had his hand on Butters’ shoulder. It reminded him why he was forcing himself to sit there, and <em> eat. </em> It was all for <em> him. </em> He pulled himself together, and nodded. He was going to do this for Kenny. It’s just one day. <em> He’ll be fine. </em></p><p>
  <em> No you won't.  </em>
</p><p>A voice said, and he tried with all his might to not listen. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>---</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>They were both in the bathroom brushing their teeth, Kenny using a spare one. Butters pulled out his bubblegum Hello Kitty toothpaste, since he couldn’t stand the normal mint ones; he always felt like it burned his mouth. </p><p>Kenny lathered his toothbrush with the mint toothpaste, and wet it before he viciously brushed his teeth in quick circles. Foam from the toothpaste was practically spilling out of his mouth. He spit it out, and continued to brush them while glancing over to see Butters carefully squeezing it out on his brush. </p><p>“Dude!" he exclaimed with foam in his mouth, “You still use Hello Kitty toothpaste?” Butters nodded, and laughed nervously. </p><p>“Well yeah, I don’t really like the mint one, it makes me feel like my mouth is burning," he explained, and grimaced at the thought. God, he hoped Kenny didn’t think he was stupid. It was retarded to still use a kids toothpaste. He really needed to grow up. </p><p>He stuck his brush under water, and began to brush his teeth. Butters knew he had to take his time to thoroughly brush his teeth, and it had been instilled into him since childhood. He was thankful for it though, and had pretty clean teeth because of it. </p><p>“Yo Butters, I’m gonna pee, so don’t look," he explained, and Butters nodded. He heard Kenny take his pants off, and he tried with every inch in his body not to look. Butters put on a calm facade when Kenny finished and stood next to him. He turned on the facet and washed his hands, and looked up at Butters with a grin. Butters giggled, and looked back at him in the mirror. </p><p>“What?" he asked with faint amusement. Kenny laughed, and looked down with a smile. </p><p>“Nothin’ man, just thinking," he softly shook his head, and dried his hands, “I’ll just wait until you’re done, dude," he patted Butters on the head as he left the bathroom. </p><p>As Butters finished brushing his teeth, he tapped the excess water against the edge of the sink, and put it back in the drawer. He looked in the mirror, and studied his reflection. It almost felt as though he didn’t recognize himself. He leaned in closer and patted his chubby cheeks. God, why were they so big? He felt his face heat up in shame; how could he let himself go out in public like that? It was so revolting that he felt sick to his stomach just from looking at himself. Butters turned to his side, and stood on his tiptoes to see his stomach. Lifting up his shirt, he felt disgusted at seeing how much it stuck out. He flattened his feet back on the floor, and looked down to pinch at the belly fat. God, it was so gross! He wished he could just slice it off, like it was butter or something. It was so <em> gross! </em></p><p>Butters wiped the frustrated tears from the corner of his eyes, and put his shirt back down. Feeling dejected, he walked out of the bathroom and shut off the lights. He slowly trudged to his room, feeling as though there was a heavy pressure weighing on him. </p><p>He opened the door to find Kenny sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the window and into the night sky. Butters smiled sadly, and closed the door behind him. In the corner of his room, he went to go turn on his night light. He knew that it was stupid, since he was a seventeen year old boy with a nightlight, because he was scared of the dark. Butters never knew how to define what he was scared of, but he was too afraid to find out. Sighing, he walked back to his bed and sat down next to Kenny. Butters wondered what he was thinking about, watching him stare up at the moon like it held all of the answers. </p><p>“What’re you thinkin’ about?" he asked. </p><p>Kenny shrugged and leaned back against the wall, “I don’t know, a lot of things, I guess." he looked uncomfortable, so Butters decided to not go any further with the subject. </p><p>“Do you want to play a game?" he asked with a playful smile. Kenny smirked and raised a brow. </p><p>“Oh yeah? Like what?" he teased, and Butters giggled. Butters jokingly tapped his chin, and hummed in thought. </p><p>“Twenty-one questions," he said with a smirk, and Kenny chuckled, looking amused. He turned to face him, sitting cross-legged. </p><p>“Okay, lay it on me, Stotch," he said. Butters thought for a moment, and smiled brightly. </p><p>“Okay," he giggled, “how do you feel about… pineapple pizza?” </p><p>“It is absolutely disgusting, ten out of ten, would not recommend it," he said straight-faced. Butters giggled, and looked at him expectantly.</p><p>“Favorite kind of music?" he asked, and Butters answered quickly. </p><p>“I really love old ‘50s and ‘60s songs. I know it’s weird, but I like the… vibe they give, I guess.” Butters said enthusiastically, “What about you?” </p><p>“Oh, definitely rock, but my guilty pleasure is ‘80s dance songs.” Butters gasped excitedly, and put his hand on top of Kenny’s. </p><p>“Ooh, me too! I really love ABBA, they’re really funky," he said cheerfully, and Kenny smiled. </p><p>“I totally agree," he said, “Okay… favorite song?” Butters was stumped by this, and thought it over. </p><p>“It’s<em> really </em> hard to decide, but I love ‘The Safety Dance’," he admitted, and Kenny gave him a quizzical look. </p><p>“Really? Not bad," he said and shook his head, and looked back up at Butters with a smile, “Your turn.”</p><p>“Okay...um.." he paused, “What’s your favorite Shrek movie?” </p><p>“Well, I’d have to say the original, you can’t beat that, man.” Kenny said in all seriousness.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I agree,” Butters said and nodded, “The sequels just don’t have that same kind of spark, you know?” Kenny nodded, and Butters turned his head to the side, biting his lip to stifle his laughter. </p><p>“My turn, okay uh... ” Kenny thought for a moment, “What do you look for in a person?” Butters eyes went a little wide at that.</p><p>“As in romantically?" he asked, and Kenny nodded. His face tinged pink, and he looked down as he played with his hands, “Well, I-I like someone who’s funny, a-and good-looking," he giggled shyly, “Just a good person, I guess.” </p><p>“But what’s your type, though?" he asked, and gave a sly smirk. Butters hid his face in his hands, and his face was burning while Kenny laughed. Butters mumbled something, and Kenny quieted down his laughter. </p><p>“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you," he said gently, and Butters groaned. He moved his hands away from his mouth so he could speak clearer. </p><p>“You." he said softly.</p><p>“Oh wow. Huh..” Kenny said, seeming surprised. </p><p>“I’m sorry! I’ll shut up now!" he covered his mouth again, his face still hidden his hands. Kenny quickly shook his head and scratched the back of his neck. </p><p>“No! No, no, it’s fine," he assured, “I mean, I have a thing for perky little blondes, anyway…” Kenny said nervously, and looked at the ceiling. Butters lifted his head from his hands, and gave Kenny a shy smile. </p><p>“R-Really? Oh, that’s good,” Butters said nervously, not really knowing what to say. </p><p>“Yeah,” Kenny replied awkwardly, and in a moment of pure determination, he tilted Butters’ head back and connected their lips. </p><p>Butters froze for a moment, and then tried to copy Kenny’s movements. He had never kissed anyone before, so he had <em> no idea </em> what he was doing. Kenny deepened the kiss, and gently pushed Butters to lay on his back, continuing to kiss him. Butters played with the hair on the back of Kenny’s head, wrapping his arms around his neck. Kenny cupped his cheek, kissing him softly. He ran his hand down Butters’ waist, and Butters felt a tremor roll through his body. He wanted to stay in this moment forever; no one had ever touched him, <em> kissed him </em> as tenderly as Kenny had. Kenny pulled back slightly for air, and smiled down fondly at Butters. He gently brushed his thumb against his cheek, making Butters smile softly. Kenny leaned down and kissed him again, albeit more gently this time. Butters continued to play with Kenny’s hair, and kissed back as best as he could; trying to show Kenny how much he wanted this, <em> wanted him.  </em></p><p>They continued to stay like that for a long time, conveying their true feelings without words. Kenny slid his hand down to Butters’ waist, feeling his soft, flushed skin under his shirt. He felt Kenny continue to glide his hands across his stomach, and Butters tensed up. Kenny noticed this, and pulled back, gently cupping Butters’ cheek. </p><p>“Hey, what’s wrong?" he asked softly, and Butters quickly shook his head. </p><p>“N-Nothing, I’m fine." he lied, and Kenny frowned.</p><p>“Come on, you can tell me,” Kenny said gently coaxed, and Butters shook his head again. He didn’t want to tell him. He <em> really </em>didn’t want to tell him.</p><p>“C-Can we kiss again?" he whispered, and Kenny studied him for a moment before nodding. </p><p>Kenny leaned down and softly pressed his lips against his, continuing to stroke his cheek. He pulled back slightly, and leaned down to press soft kisses against Butters’ neck. Butters softly gasped, and leaned his head to the side to expose his neck. Kenny smirked against his skin, and continued to kiss him. He moved back up to his face, and looked down at him. Butters moved a hand back to cup Kenny’s cheek. </p><p>Kenny pulled back and rolled over to his left. One of his legs hung over the bed, and Butters moved over a bit so they could both fit. Butters was looking up at the ceiling, his eyes slightly wide and happy, his lips plump and curled into a blissful smile. Butters felt like he was on cloud nine, he was just so happy. Kenny had kissed him! Butters thought that he must’ve been dreaming, but it felt so real. </p><p>“Hey Kenny?" he asked, and turned on his side to face him. </p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“D-Did you mean what you said?" he asked quietly, and Kenny smiled while looking up at the ceiling.</p><p>“Of course, dude," he assured, and Butters smiled brightly. He lied down on his back and shyly reached out to touch Kenny’s hand. He tried to hide his blushing face when Kenny flipped his hand over and intertwined their fingers. </p><p>And they stayed like that until they drifted off to sleep, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. Those cheap, little pieces of plastic felt safe and secure; holding so many memories, keeping everything secret in their own little world that was Butters’ room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Aching For Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Howdy ho! Sorry I haven't updated as quick as I planned to, I was really stumped on this chapter, and I feel like maybe you could consider this as just a filler, it's gonna play an important part in the future. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and leave a comment if you'd like, because it honestly makes me so happy to hear your feedback!</p>
<p>PS: the title of this chapter is inspired from "Drowning In the Sound" by Amanda Palmer, another song rec is "Demon Days" by the Gorillaz (the beat and vocals is just so beautiful and relaxing, definitely worth the listen!)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Warmth enveloped Butters as he woke up, and the echoing sound of a steady heartbeat beneath his head. He found himself tucked against Kenny’s chest, with an arm lazily thrown over his waist. Kenny was lying on his back, letting out soft little snores in his sleep. Butters blearily opened his eyes fully as he forced them open. He carefully peeled himself from Kenny’s side, not wanting to wake him up. As he sat up, he looked down at Kenny and smiled fondly. He hesitantly reached his hand out and brushed his bangs, and quietly giggled when Kenny let out a gentle, happy sigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters got up, and carefully opened his door. He went into the bathroom to pee, and didn’t look at the mirror. When he was washing his hands he looked up, feeling disgusted at what was staring back at him. His face was so huge, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fat. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had a double chin, but it wasn’t really what people consider a “double chin”, it was just a big, flabby part of extra skin that was under his chin. His face coiled in disgust, and he quickly left the bathroom. Butters was so grossed out by his appearance, he had to find a way to fix it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He went back into his room to change, and was glad to see that Kenny was still asleep. He didn’t have to leave for another two hours, but he always liked getting up early; it made him feel in control. Butters rummaged through his closet, trying to find something to wear. The cool air was still lingering, so he decided it would be best to still wear warm clothes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He found a dark blue cardigan, and pulled it on over a white long-sleeve shirt. He neatly buttoned it up, and pulled on a pair of jeans. They were still too big for him, and he smiled as he saw how much they hung off of him. He found the belt he used yesterday, and pulled it on tight, tucking his shirt into his jeans. Butters decided not to look in the mirror, because he didn’t want to completely destroy his self-esteem in the first hour of his day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling bored already, he pulled out his favorite botany field guide book. It used to be his mother’s, but she gave it to him when she realized his interest in flowers. Butters really enjoyed the beautiful sights of all the different kinds of flowers and plants that he could find, and had always had a dream of opening his own little flower shop. He did like all kinds of plants, but flowers were his favorite. It amazed him at how many different kinds there were, all different colors, so bright and eye-catching. It was hard for him to pick his favorite, but he really loved lilies because he loved the way that their petals looked, and how some of the orange ones he saw were always curled around the tips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was in the Gardening Club with his friend Pip, and Scott came occasionally as well. He didn’t have many friends other than Kenny, but Pip and Scott were definitely his closest ones. They both shared the same interests and got along well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Butters hung out with Scott on the rare occasion that his father let him, they always played video games, or nerded out on their favorite superhero comics, or some of their favorite kinds of earth sciences and space too. He was glad to have an outlet for all of his geekiness, since he couldn’t really talk to Kenny about it. Not that he couldn’t, but Kenny stopped being interested in superheroes a long time ago and wasn’t too keen on talking about educational subjects like science- though Kenny really liked literature, surprisingly (you would probably never guess that he would be into that kind of thing, but he was actually really good with it.). Butters and Pip bonded over being the biggest targets of Eric’s bullying, but mostly over their love for plants and their crushes. Butters was a bit more personal about his feelings for Kenny, but he always listened whenever Pip rambled on about Damien. It honestly surprised him that neither of them had made a move yet, but he was in no place to judge. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters carefully crawled over Kenny and lied down on his stomach on the bed against the wall. He flipped through his book, studying all of the flowers and information on each page. Before he knew it, an hour had passed, and Kenny was beginning to stir. Butters smiled, and continued to look at his book, seeing Kenny start to wake up out of the corner of his eye. Kenny sat up and drowsily looked over at Butters with tired eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning, Ken!" he cheerfully greeted, and gave him a bright smile. Kenny smiled a little and yawned, letting himself fall backwards against the pillow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, I’m so fucking tired," he groaned, and covered his eyes with his hands. Butters smiled in amusement, and flipped a page. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then sleep. We don’t have to leave for another hour," he replied, and Kenny smiled drowsily. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? Sweet," he said through another yawn. Butters giggled and got off the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He put the book back on his bookshelf, and glanced over at Kenny before he left the room. He was sound asleep, and Butters honestly was jealous that he was able to fall asleep so quickly. Butters quietly walked down the stairs, and smiled slightly when he saw his mom in the kitchen. She was cooking pancakes, which made Butters cringe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Great</span>
  </em>
  <span>, now he would have to eat something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He also cringed at how ungrateful that sounded.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Linda looked up and smiled as she waved him over with the spatula. He hesitantly walked over and stood next to her. Butters was only a couple of inches taller than her, to his slight disappointment. His height didn’t bother him all that much, but it made him an even bigger target to Eric’s taunts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good morning!” she greeted cheerfully, and flipped over a pancake that was bubbling on the top. He smiled, and leaned down to kiss her cheek. Moving back, he stood on his tippy toes to reach a glass from the cabinet. He filled it with water from the sink, and took big sips. “Butters, sweetie, can you set the table?” she asked sweetly, and he nodded before putting down his drink. He grabbed three plates, and set them down. His mother glanced back, and then down to the pan. “Don’t forget your father! He’s still sleeping,” she said with a bright smile and a giggle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters just stood there for a moment, and then did as she said. He placed the fourth plate diagonal from where he planned on sitting, but then decided that he would sit in front of his father so Kenny wouldn’t have to be under his scrutinizing gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh honey! I know that I let you off the hook yesterday, but me and your father want you home </span>
  <em>
    <span>right away</span>
  </em>
  <span> today! He has a</span>
  <em>
    <span> lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of chores for you to do.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-Okay.. I-I’ll get home as quick as I can!” he assured her, which made her turn around to give him a big, pleased smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great! I’m so lucky to have such a good little boy,” she gushed, and reached over to tenderly pinch his cheek. He smiled brightly at her praise, and happily continued to make the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he was in the middle of placing down utensils, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. His eyes widened a bit, but then made himself busy again. Butters was glad to see that it was just Kenny, and let out a quiet sigh of relief. Kenny greeted Linda, and walked over to him. He was already dressed, which Butters was glad for, since he wanted to leave as soon as possible. Kenny leaned down to whisper into his ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look cute," he said softly, so only he could hear. Butters quietly giggled as Kenny’s breath tickled his earlobe. Kenny began to move away, and grabbed a couple of forks from the table to help Butters set it up. Butters tapped his arm, and Kenny leaned in a bit closer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dad’s home," he whispered, which made Kenny frown slightly. He turned to face him, and peered over at Butters’ mom before he placed his hand atop of Butters’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to go?" he whispered, and Butters quickly nodded, “Okay,” Kenny smiled, and looked over at Linda. “Mrs. Stotch, we have to go. There’s a uh.. a club meeting that we gotta get to," he lied, “Thanks for having me over, though," he added with a charming smile. She stared at them, unblinking, as they practically rushed out of the door. Butters gave her a little wave before he closed the door, and sighed while he put on the other strap of his backpack. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were really lucky that they were able to get away in time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He caught up with Kenny, and they walked down the driveway. Kenny pulled his hood up and tugged on the drawstrings before he lazily stuffed his hands in his pockets. Butters then moved behind him when he noticed that Kenny’s backpack was partially unzipped, and he quickly fixed it before anything could fall out. Kenny smiled gratefully, and slung an arm over his shoulders as they walked down the sidewalk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They decided to just go to the school, since they could get breakfast there. Apparently Kenny did that a lot when he had the extra money, and Butters went along with it just because he didn’t want Kenny to starve this morning just because he was too chicken shit to face his dad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their high school was on the other side of town, so it was a pretty long walk from Butters’ neighborhood. Butters had started to get a little drowsy on the way there, so Kenny kindly carried him on his back the rest of the way. Kenny stopped them at the back of the school on the field that a lot of people chilled on during lunch hour- it wasn’t the football field, luckily. That was on the other side of the school. So they figured that they could just lie on the grass until the cafeteria opened. It was only six-thirty so they had another hour to kill, anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters lied down on his stomach in the grass as he began to make a neatly knotted flower crown with the daffodils. Kenny was watching him as he tried doing smoke tricks while he lied on his back- it was to get a good airflow, he said. They both sat in comfortable silence as they just enjoyed each other’s company while they both did their own thing. Butters appreciated the fact that neither of them liked to talk just to fill the silence, because sometimes Butters felt like silence spoke a lot louder than words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, can I kiss you?” Kenny suddenly asked, looking at him with a small, relaxed smirk. Butters smiled softly as he shyly nodded, and giggled as Kenny pulled him over by his waist to lay on top of him. He took one more drag of his cigarette before he put it out next to him in the grass. Kenny airily snickered as he rolled them over so that he was on top, and played with the ends of Butters’ bangs as he looked down to him with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters waited in anticipation for Kenny to lean down and kiss him, and when the moment came, it was just as amazing as he expected. Kenny was really good at kissing, so Butters hoped that he could give him some kind of the same pleasure that Kenny gave him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got a real purdy mouth,” Kenny snickered, and Butters giggled as he pulled him closer. Kenny smirked against his lips as he pulled back a little as he leaned down to kiss his neck and gently nibble on the skin. Butters giggled at the sensation, and smiled softly as he pulled down Kenny’s hood so he could play with his hair. “You’re beautiful,” Kenny sensually whispered into his ear, and Butters airily giggled as Kenny tenderly nibbled on his earlobe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it,” Butters whispered bashfully, and gently pulled Kenny down by the collar of his sweatshirt to kiss him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They made out for what felt like forever, though it was probably only close to ten minutes. Kenny gave him one last peck on the lips before he laid down against Butters’ chest. Butters gently wrapped his arms over Kenny’s back, just holding him. He wondered what all this meant? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What they were doing- sharing what felt like </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> intimate kisses- did it mean something? Of course it meant a whole lot to him, but what about Kenny? Did he see this as.. something important, or was Butters just a new person to play around with? When this happened with adults, they talked about things like this, right? They should clear the air. It doesn’t do anyone any good to just assume. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again… what if he ruined it? What if asking about it totally turned Kenny off and then he would never want to talk to him again, since he’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassed that he wasted his time kissing someone like him. That would really suck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-Hey Kenny?” Butters quietly asked as he tried to get over both of the opposing opinions that were waging war in his head. He waited for a response, but he never got one, “Ken?” he frowned as he sat up a little, but his lips curled into a sweet smile as he found him fast asleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was always going to be another time to talk, he figured.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters rolled his eyes with a smile before he lied back down, staring up at the clouds. He pulled Kenny closer to him, and rested his cheek against his soft- but slightly greasy- hair as he placed one of his hands on the back of Kenny’s head, and gently ran his fingers through the golden blonde strands in a relaxing pattern. Kenny gently sighed against his chest and burrowed closer into Butters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And after a while, Butters felt himself getting tired too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In his history class, Butters couldn’t find it in himself to even bother paying attention. His mind was consumed with thoughts of food, thoughts of purging, thoughts of a lot of bad things. Butters rapidly tapped his foot against the tile floor as his mind swirled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How many calories did he eat yesterday? How many calories are even in a fucking twinkie? Also, what would he even be able to describe the small portion size of pot pie that he ate yesterday? He was so frustrated that he didn’t even try to look up the calories before he ate them- he honestly wanted to punch his past-self in the face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And at the same time, he just felt so tired. So exhausted, that all he could think about was sleep. At least he’s safe in his mind- or so he thought. He honestly felt like there was no good inbetween. When he was awake, everything sucked; when he was asleep, he was plagued with nightmares of childhood trauma that he never got over, and his worst fears that were all formed into one big steaming pile of terror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters quietly groaned under his breath as he put his face in his hands, and let himself hide against the cool surface of his desk. He felt like he was being watched. He felt like everyone was looking at him, he felt like </span>
  <em>
    <span>every, single, move </span>
  </em>
  <span>was being captured and seen without his consent. His father was watching him, seeing him slack off in class- watch him fail, and then he would tear up his report card and get out the belt. Every amount of lashes he got came from the final number of each failing grade. Well, failing in his father’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>First it was eighty-eight, then seventy-nine, then sixty-eight, and a ninety-nine. He could still feel it. The unbearable stinging sensation <em>every, single, time </em>the belt hit him, and the horrifyingly disgusting feeling of his skin being torn off by the strength that his father put into each lash. The scars were still there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were disgusting. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He </span>
  </em>
  <span>was disgusting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-tters? Butters? Hellooo?” Stan called out as he shook him awake. Butters jumped, and looked to him with wide, fearful eyes before he realized it was only Stan. “Class ended a couple of minutes ago,” he explained, and Butters nodded as he smiled politely. He stood up and quickly began to pack his things, though it was difficult with the uncontrollable tremors that rolled through his body and caused his hands to shake. He tried to pick up his books but they ended up falling out of his hands and crashing onto the floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters’ cheeks burned red in embarrassment as he scrambled onto the floor to pick them up, and felt his eyes prick with tears. He just wanted to go home and cry into his pillow. He wanted to scream until he lost his voice, and he wanted to sob as loud as he could into it, so no one could hear him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here, let me help, dude,” Stan said, and gently moved his hands away to pick up the books and place them in his backpack. He zipped his pencils and pens back up into his pencil case and tossed it back in before he handed him his backpack. Butters gladly accepted it and pulled the straps over his shoulders before he quickly wiped away his tears. He looked to Stan with a bright, grateful smile that Stan easily returned. “C’mon, let’s get to lunch, dude. I think they got those meatball subs today or something,” he added as he started to walk off and Butters slowly trailed behind him to the cafeteria. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All of the other guys were already there at their table; Kyle was scolding Cartman for stealing Kenny’s lunch, while simultaneously Kenny was picking off Cartman’s fries when he wasn’t looking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Butters!” Kenny spoke with food in his mouth, and gulped it all down before he put on a smile. Butters smiled back slightly for a moment before it dropped and he sat down next to him. “Woah.. you don’t look so good. What’s wrong?” he asked, and rubbed his back comfortingly as he looked to him with concern. Butters lazily shrugged and scooted his chair over so he could hug him. Kenny doubled back in surprise, but smiled a little in confusion as he hugged him back. “So you don’t wanna talk about it? Okay.. that’s cool..” he trailed off, and looked even more confused as Butters pulled away and started to rummage through his backpack with quivering hands. He pulled out a small plastic shopping bag, and emptied out the contents of it in front of Kenny. “What.. For me?” he asked, and Butters smiled as he nodded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I went to the marketplace d-during my f-free period, ‘cause I-I.. we missed breakfast, a-and I-I..I f-felt bad that I d-didn’t wake you up,” he answered shakily, and his smile wobbled as he hugged his backpack to his chest and laid his head against the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow.. thanks, Leo! You didn’t have to do that though, I would’ve been fine,” he answered bashfully as he glanced down at the food with a sad smile. Butters had gotten a cup of instant noodles, a banana, and Kenny’s favorite kind of Takis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe, but bein’ hungry sucks, don’t it?” Butters said after a moment, and glanced at Kenny before he pressed his face into his backpack. Kenny just stared at him, like he was trying to figure out if there was some kind of double meaning behind Butters’ words. Then he smiled and ruffled Butters’ hair as he opened the bag of Takis. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters’ stomach throbbed at the sheer emptiness of it. It felt weird to describe, but it almost seemed like he could smell everything. Like the food was just.. calling to him or something. That’s how he knew he was hungry. He hadn’t eaten anything since dinner last night, but even then, he barely ate anything. He let Kenny finish off his plate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sort of felt like not eating anything at all today was his way to make up for the mistakes he made yesterday. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It almost felt like he was being punched in the gut repeatedly, and at the same time his stomach was curled into a big ball of emptiness. He curled in on himself and quietly whimpered as the pain became close to unbearable. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks as the pain turned into an awful burning sensation and he started to urgently grip onto the fabric of his backpack and tug on in desperation. He slowly sat up and cringed as the bright light inside the room nearly blinded him. Butters blearily looked around, and hurriedly rubbed his eyes as he tried to focus on the things and people around him, but it all just looked so far away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-Hey Kenny,” he said softly as he weakly tugged on his sleeve, “I-I don’t.. I d-don’t feel so g-good..” he mumbled and rubbed at his eyes again as his vision became even more spotty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Kenny asked in concern, giving him his full attention. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I.. um.. my-my head um..” he stumbled over his words, “I.. I feel uh..I-I feel d-dizzy..” he stuttered, and nervously smiled in his embarrassment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh.. maybe you’re just dehydrated or something?” he suggested, and turned to his friends, “Yo Stan, do you have a water bottle? I won’t put my mouth on it, I promise,” he said, crossing a hand over his chest. Stan nodded and lifted up the cap before he slid it over. Kenny then got up and ran across the cafeteria to come back with a small plastic cup, and carefully poured some in before he gave it back to Stan. “There ya go,” he said, and moved it over in front of Butters. Butters smiled a little and gently picked up the cup with both hands before he took a sip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you just use the water fountain?” Kyle asked as he chewed on the end of a baby carrot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, I don’t trust that shit as far as I can throw it. There’s probably AIDs in there or some shit,” Kenny replied, and scrunched his face up in disgust as he thought about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, it’s probably the same shit that turned those frogs gay. I swear, half the people in this grade are fucking fags,” Cartman added, and laughed as he disgustingly munched on his greasy meatball sub and sandwich from home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gross dude, don’t talk with food in your fucking mouth,” Kyle scolded, and rolled his eyes as he glared at the fat piece of lard that sat next to him. “Also, you’re one to fucking talk, fatass.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ, someone’s gotta get a big ass vacuum to get all that sand out of your fucking vagina. You sound like my fucking grandma,” Cartman grumbled, and yelped as Kyle harshly kicked his leg from under the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, fatass!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hit me again, Jew! I fucking dare you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay guys, let’s calm down-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will beat your fucking lard ass to the ground, you fat piece of shit!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god..” Kenny groaned in annoyance. He unceremoniously got up from his seat and tossed the food in his backpack before he shot a look at Butters, and walked off out of the cafeteria. Butters quickly shuffled behind him, and gave a little wave goodbye that went unnoticed to the other three boys. “Usually I can stand it, but I don’t feel like it,” Kenny said as Butters caught up to him, and slung an arm over his shoulders as they walked around to the back of the school. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I get that,” Butters replied, and focused most of his energy into each step. He just felt so tired, all he wanted was to sleep, and hope for the best that he wouldn’t have a nightmare. “At least we only have another month left of school,” he added, always trying to stay on the bright side. He gave Kenny a small, tired smile that quickly turned into a soft yawn. “S-Sorry, I-I’m just awful tired,” he apologized, and rubbed his eyes as he fiddled with the last button of his cardigan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Kenny suddenly asked, and his intense, piercing stare was filled with so much care and concern that Butters most </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely</span>
  </em>
  <span> did not deserve.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.. yeah, I-I’m fine, Ken. You don’t gotta worry about me,” he dismissed, and put on a smile. Kenny obviously didn’t buy it, but he ultimately decided to drop the subject. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you say so..” he trailed off, staring at him suspiciously, “But if you’re not, I’m always here for you, Leo.” he added, and Butters smiled softly as he lazily kicked at a pebble that was at his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right back at ya, Ken.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. All The Words I Had To Say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Howdy ho! Today's chapter is in Kenny's POV and I'm planning on next chapter being the same too! This chapter takes place about a month or less after the last one. I hope you enjoy! I'm really happy with how this came out, so I hope you like it! :)))</p><p>TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter implies/references instances of emotional and physical abuse. Read at your own risk. </p><p>(It's not really a lot or detailed, but I just wanted to put that just in case it could upset someone, so I'll block quote the area that talks about it the most)</p><p>PS: title of this chapter is inspired by "renee" by SALES, and an extra song rec is "Can't Smile Without You" by Barry Manilow</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenny hummed the beat to a random rock song that was stuck in his head as he drew in his sketchbook. After a while he tossed the pencil aside and laid down on his back as his boredom grew. He found that he had a love-hate relationship with the weekends; he liked it because he had free time to relax, but he hated it because he also had absolutely nothing to do. </p><p>A knock came to his door and he called out a response. He was sitting upside down with his body pressed against the wall, and he flashed his little sister a toothy smile as she walked in. She giggled a little as she played with the end of her shirt, and leaned against his door frame while she looked at him.</p><p>“Kenny, Mama needs help,” Karen quietly said, and he nodded as he sat back up. Karen crossed her arms as she looked at him pointedly, “Like now, I mean. And please put a shirt on, no one wants to see your tits.” </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he drawled as he rolled his eyes with a smirk. He jumped up and threw on his discarded shirt from earlier before he followed Karen down the hall. “What does she need?” </p><p>“She needed to run some errands, but she’s got the flu so she can’t do ‘em,” Karen replied, and she handed him a wrinkled piece of paper with what looked to be a very shopping list scrawled out on it. “I already called the doctor and he already put in a prescription, so we have to get that too. Also, we need to get some toilet paper, the groceries, and she wants one of us to pick up her check at Olive Garden,” Karen listed off with her fingers, and gave him a sweet little smile. “Oh, but she said to get just Pop Tarts, not Toaster Strudels,” she added. </p><p>“So what, are we gonna split up, or are you gonna come with me to make sure I don’t mess up?” he teased, and she rolled her eyes with a smile as she zipped up her sweatshirt. </p><p>“Well duh, I was planning on it,” she playfully replied, “Just for the groceries though, and then we’ll go separate ways, okay? I was planning on hanging out with Ike after I picked it up.” </p><p>“Okay,” Kenny nodded, and grabbed her hand before they walked out of the house together. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Bitches who eat potato salad be like,” Kenny said, and held up a container of potato salad as he swooped some of his bangs down to make a Karen-like haircut. “Excuse me bitch! I would like to speak to the motherfucking manager!” he mockingly bitched, and held a hand at his hips as he glared at his sister. She giggled into her hand as she lightly shook her head and brightly smiled at him as she scanned the freezer shelves for the cheapest jug of milk. “Dude, please promise me you won’t become one of <em> those </em>Karens someday?” he teased, though he was mostly being serious. Karen just rolled her eyes at him and placed the milk into their cart.</p><p>“Hey Kenny, can you push the cart? It’s getting kind of heavy,” she asked as she walked towards the front of it. Kenny smiled and nodded as he began to push it, and chuckled when Karen jumped up on the front edge. Kenny whistled a little as he pulled the list out of his pocket to see how much they had left. Karen said that their mom only left them with thirty dollars, so they were trying to stretch it out as much as they could. “What do we have left?” Karen asked curiously, and leaned forward to neatly sort out and stack everything they had in the cart. It wasn’t much, just a pack of toilet paper, some cans of soup, and two value boxes of strawberry Pop Tarts. </p><p>“Uh.. just the Tamiflu,” he absentmindedly replied, and stuffed the list back in his pocket, “If there’s enough, I’ll let you pick out a nail polish or something,” he offered with a cheeky smile. She didn’t say anything, but Karen’s bright smile was enough of a response for him. </p><p>“Ooh look, isn’t that Butters?” Karen asked as she turned around to point to none other than Butters Stotch at the end of the cereal aisle. “Kev says that you’re gay for him,” she snorted, and slyly smirked as she saw his blushing face.</p><p>He hadn’t seen Butters in a few weeks though Butters hadn’t really let him in on why. He at least knew it wasn’t personal- Butters had vaguely told him that his father just had a lot of chores for him to do, and there were a lot of big tests coming up for him in his advanced classes. Kenny believed him, but he wasn’t sure that it was the whole truth.</p><p>“Shaddup,” he retorted, and flicked her forehead as he stopped the cart close to Butters. “Y’know, you would never know it, but he’s not very aware of his surroundings,” he whispered, and Karen stifled her giggle into her hand as she jumped off of the back of the cart. Kenny wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders as they walked over.</p><p>“Aaand?” she encouraged, but all he did was give her a ‘you’ll see’ kind of look. He patted her on the back before he walked behind Butters, and reached around to boop him on the nose.</p><p>“Good morrow, Leopold,” he greeted with a cheeky smile as he felt Butters jolt. Butters turned around and playfully smacked him on the arm, and rolled his eyes as Kenny laughed. </p><p>“You scared the heavens outta me,” he giggled, and smiled as he put the cereal he was holding- one of those gross healthy kinds- into one of the store’s plastic baskets that always reminded Kenny of milk crates. “It’s real nice to see ya, Ken! S-Sorry I haven’t been able to hang out, my dad’s been a lot more strict lately…” he trailed off with a frowned, but quickly softened his expression. At the moment, Kenny finally noticed the slightly faded- but still noticeable- purple and faded yellow, black eye that covered the left side of his face and made his scar seem even more pronounced.</p><p>“Dude, who did that?” he urgently asked as he reached out to gently brush away his hair and lightly trace his thumb over the bruise. Butters grew stiff and he stumbled over his words as he seemed to be trying to think of some kind of excuse that Kenny could believe. Butters could tell him whatever made him feel better, but there was no doubt in Kenny’s mind for who gave him it.</p><p>“Uh.. um.. I-I um… H-Hell, it-it doesn’t m-matter ‘cause I-I deserved it anyways,” he quietly said, refusing to look at him. “I-I was gonna wear sunglasses, b-but I didn’t want to look like a douchebag,” he added after a moment with a small smile, clearly trying to shift the conversation to a more comfortable setting. </p><p>“Leo, you can’t just-” he began to argue, but Butters interrupted him. </p><p>“Ken, I don’t force you to tell me about all the bruises and scars you got, a-and if you want me to talk about it, I’m sure as hell not gonna do it in a fucking supermarket,” he said softly but sternly, and lightly pulled Kenny’s hand off his face. He tenderly squeezed it before he let go, and used his now free hand to hold the basket in front of his stomach. Butters had a good point, it wasn’t fair of Kenny to pressure him into telling him stuff like that. It still didn’t make him worry any less, though. </p><p>“Sorry,” he sheepishly apologized as he nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. Neither of them said anything, as the awkward tension coiled around them like a noose. Karen looked between both of them, and quickly stepped in to end the silence. </p><p>“Hi Butters! I like your earrings, they’re really cute!” she earnestly complimented, and Butters nervously flushed as he reached up to rub the small metal between his fingertips. They were made of a cheap kind of gold and star shaped- ones that Kenny had gotten him when he pierced his ears for him on his birthday last year. </p><p>The whole thing was kind of hilariously stupid, if Kenny was being honest. He was sleeping over at Kenny’s house after the little party Kenny had thrown for him in his backyard- since Butters’ father refused to let him have one. The gift that Kenny had spent months tirelessly working to afford were those little star earrings, because Butters had told him he always wanted to get his ears pierced. </p><p>Butters admitted that he had a very low pain tolerance, and was probably going to piss himself once Kenny pulled out the needle. So being as poor and dumb as he was, and instead of giving him Advil or some shit- something his family never had the luxury of having- he had Butters take some shots so he would be drunk out of his mind during the piercing itself. Butters hesitantly agreed, since he had never even consumed any kind of alcohol once in his life, though he sure was one hell of a drunk when he did. He looked like he was off in some faraway wasted paradise, and hysterically giggled as he watched Kenny clean off his ear lobes, mark them with a pen, and sterilise the needle with his lighter. But as he stuck it in the marked hole, Butters just started sobbing, but he was still laughing uncontrollably at the same time. After it was all done and everything went accordingly, they spent the rest of the night laughing their asses off, and Kenny let himself get to know the absolute character that ‘Drunk Butters’ was.</p><p>The first earrings he ever wore were those star ones, and he never seemed to take them off since; except to clean them, obviously. </p><p>“Gee, thanks, Karen! You’re awful sweet,” he chirped, and gave her a bright, genuine smile. Karen smiled back just as bright as she walked over to hug him. </p><p>It made Kenny so happy that his best friend and little sister were close too. The only other person Kenny would entrust Karen with would be Butters, since he’s done so much for her over the years, and also because he’s the one of the nicest people that Kenny knew. For a while Butters worked at a ballet studio, and he helped sneak Karen in so she could dance with her friends. When there was an obvious miss in the numbers, Butters would pay for it so she wouldn’t get in trouble. Kenny was so grateful to have such a kind and badass friend that would be willing to risk his own ass just so his sister could have some well deserved fun. </p><p>“C’mon, let’s get going,” Karen kindly ordered, and grabbed both of their hands as she began to pull them towards the medicine aisle. Kenny dragged the cart behind him, and let go to go find the Tamiflu for their mom. It certainly wasn’t cheap, but his mom had luckily saved a coupon for the occasion, so it would only come be eighteen dollars, as Karen had told him. He sure was lucky to have a sister that was <em> way </em>smarter than him and better at doing simple math. </p><p>Butters and Karen were just chatting away at random stuff, though Kenny figured it was mostly because they hadn’t seen each other in a while. A few years ago, Karen had affectionately given Butters the title as her new “Honorary Brother”. That had gotten a riot out of him and Kevin once they found out. Like she needed any more brothers, honestly. Kenny knew that him and Kevin were already enough for her to handle. </p><p>“Kenny? Is there enough left for nail polish?” she quietly asked, and looked at him with a small, curious smile. </p><p>“Uh… maybe, I wouldn’t trust my math though. But seriously, if there isn’t enough, it's on me, Kare-bear,” he replied with a relaxed smirk, and tossed the medicine in the shopping cart before he started to walk off towards the beauty aisle. If they had one that was <em> at least </em>two or three dollars, they probably had enough wiggle room to add it in. If not, maybe he could find some extra change in his pockets if there wasn’t enough. </p><p>“Yay!” she exclaimed, and bounded past him to get to the nail polish. Karen never asked for much, so he figured she deserved something nice for once. She squatted down to see all the colors, and pulled them out to compare them against her nails, like she was trying to find that best color that would suit her. Butters walked over to stand next to him, and they were so close that their shoulders were touching. </p><p>The lighter blonde then reached out to gently touch his fingertips, and Kenny smiled as he interlocked their hands together. Being close like this reminded Kenny of how much he had missed being able to touch him. He turned to look at him, but already found that Butters had been staring. His pale blue eyes just looked so beautiful, though they seemed to be filled with so much sadness lately. Things were going on with him that Kenny didn’t even know and it frustrated him to no end that he wasn’t able to help him.</p><p>“I’ll meet you by your window tonight,” he suddenly said as he leaned down to whisper in Butters’ ear. Butters smiled softly and nodded, and bit his lip as he looked around before he stood up on his tippy-toes to quickly give a chaste peck to Kenny’s cheek. The feeling was only short lived before Karen came back over with black nail polish. He could only hope that his sister wasn’t slowly turning into an emo; the whole vampire incident was already traumatic enough for him to remember.</p><p>“We’re all set, right?” Karen asked as she put in the nail polish and took a hold of the cart. She started to walk off to the checkout aisle, and smiled gleefully as she rushed toward the cash register that Craig was working at. Karen was also kind-of-sorta friends with Craig, since she was best friends with his little sister. </p><p>“Hey Craigo,” Kenny smirked as he winked at the apathetic boy. Craig just stared at him blankly, and heavily sighed as he began to scan the items that Karen was putting on the conveyor belt. “Damn, don’t get too excited,” he sarcastically remarked, and snickered as he pulled out the toilet paper for him to scan. </p><p>“Good to see you’re still annoying,” Craig retorted, and Karen quietly giggled as she bagged up the groceries at the other end of the conveyor belt. “Also, I want to preface you to shut the fuck up before you even begin to think about telling me all about some hot chick you banged the other night.” Kenny lightly chuckled and rolled his eyes as he put the few remaining items on the belt. </p><p>“I know it might be hard for you to believe, but I’m all about abstinence now,” he rebutted, and looked at Craig seriously, who held a piercing incredulous stare, he held his hands up, “Okay fine, that’s not true. But I haven’t been with a woman in a while, dude. I’m taking a break from chicks, all the ones around here kind of suck, y’know?” </p><p>“How the fuck would I know? I’m gay,” he apathetically replied, and finished scanning off the last of their stuff before he typed into the monitor above the cash register. “Your total is $31.29,” he said in complete monotone, and held his hand out because he knew that Kenny always pays only in cash. Kenny nodded as he pulled out his wallet to count through the money his mom gave them, and the extra change that he had wedged around in there. He handed it all to Craig who counted through it before he shrugged and put it all in the different slots of the cash register’s drawer. “Five cents short, but I don’t really give a fuck,” he added, and smiled a little for a brief second, though it was so fast that Kenny wasn’t sure if it really happened or not. </p><p>“Thanks, Tucker,” Kenny said with a little wink, and went over to help Karen put the bags in the cart. </p><p>The siblings patiently waited for Butters to pay for his things, though Kenny talked Craig’s ear off about stupid shit that he hoped would get a reaction out of the guy, but Craig truly was the master of keeping a constant poker-face. </p><p>“I swear to fucking god, McCormick, it’s like every time you have a fucking audience your ego goes through the goddamn roof,” Craig commented as he face palmed, looking like he was fighting off a vicious migraine. </p><p>“You know it!” he replied with a smirk, and flashed him some finger guns before he started to walk off, “See ya around, Craigo!” </p><p>“I hope not..” Craig grumbled under his breath. Kenny snickered as he pushed the cart out the store with Karen hanging on the front, and Butters walking beside him. </p><p>“Are you guys always like that?” Karen asked curiously as she tilted her head in the McCormick fashion while they walked out into the parking lot. </p><p>“Uh.. no, not really. I mean, it’s really funny to bust his balls and all, but whenever we’re alone we’re pretty chill. We just have a smoke and talk about shit.” Kenny replied, and stopped the cart to pull out their bags, and gave Karen the lighter ones while he took the bigger load. He pushed the cart into the return section and shifted the bags into his left hand so he could sling an arm over Butters’ shoulders. </p><p>“Oh.. well that’s good I guess. It kind of seemed like he hates you,” Karen commented, “But he always acts like that, doesn’t he? Tricia kind of does the same thing- not to me, but to people that she doesn’t know all that well, I guess. I don’t really get it though, they’re probably just defensive or something, right?” </p><p>“Yeah, I dunno. Their whole family’s kind of weird,” he shrugged, and once they got to the truck he let go off Butters to fish out his keys. “Hey, do you want a ride home?” he turned his attention to the lighter blonde, who hadn’t said a single word the entire time. </p><p>“Um.. g-gee I dunno… m-my dad’ll be awful m-mad at me..” Butters trailed off as he nervously twisted the handles of the shopping bag around in between his fingers. </p><p>“Why the hell would he be mad?” Kenny asked incredulously as he put the bags into the bed of the truck. Karen put her bags in too and got into the truck to do her own thing.  </p><p>“H-He said th-that it’s m-my punishment to w-w.. to w-walk all the way home,” Butters replied, and Kenny felt himself growing confused at the logic of that. Butters seemed to sense his doubt, “I-I was actin’ real bad, Ken! I-I put the Cs with the Ks in-in the cabinet, a-and I was makin’ excuses a-and my d-dad was awful sore at me, so-so he.. he g-gave me this sucker,” he rambled, gesturing to his black eye. “H-He knocked everything down a-and he said I had to go to the store s-so I could reorganize it p-p-properly and-” he said, and stopped himself when he seemed to realize that he probably said too much. “Gosh, I-I-I.. I’m sorry..” he sniffled with downcast eyes that intently stared down at his shoes to hide his reddening cheeks. </p><p>“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Kenny hushed, rushing over to comfort him. He slung an arm over his shoulders and led him over to the truck. “Fuck your dad, okay? I’ll drop you off around the corner so he won’t see,” he tried to reassure him, and took his bags as he opened the driver’s side door. Butters slowly nodded and desperately pulled him into a hug by wrapping his arms around Kenny’s middle. “Aw, okay Leo, get on in,” he said with a sad smile, and patted his back before Butters pulled away. The lighter blonde wiped his eyes and shakily got into the middle seat. </p><p>Kenny sighed as he got in the driver’s seat and handed Butters the grocery bags, and he held them tightly against his lap. The tension in the car was tight; Karen had no clue what was going on, Butters was as quiet as a fucking mouse, and Kenny just awkwardly drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he kept his eyes trained on the road. Karen warily looked between the two of them, and hesitantly leaned over Butters to turn on the radio and tune it to a good station. She turned up the volume, and sat back with a pleased smile as she nodded her head to the music. Kenny’s favorite UB40 song was playing- “Rat In Mi Kitchen”- and he snorted as he leaned over to turn it up even louder. Karen laughed as he rolled down the windows, and clapped his hand against the side of the truck to the beat. </p><p>
  <em> “There’s a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> There’s a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m gonna fix that rat, that’s what I’m gonna do </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m gonna fix that rat” </em>
</p><p>Kenny loudly sang with Karen joining along. Butters smiled as he perked up a little, and even quietly sang along a bit as well. They were all laughing and smiling like they had nothing holding them down. Kenny always liked car rides, because they always felt like he was in a completely different world. Sure, there were some rides that fucking sucked, but he knew that all he really needed to be happy wasn’t good fucking grades, a high school diploma, or a shit ton of money- all he needed was his truck, some kickass music, and his two favorite people. </p><p>And in that moment, everything felt right in the world.</p><p>Though the magic ended just as quick as the song, as they pulled over to the start of Butters’ street. Kenny turned down the music, and cast a melancholic look to Butters. The lighter blond grew gloomy as he unbuckled his seatbelt, but smiled a little as Karen pulled him into a quick hug. “Um.. th-thanks for the ride, fellas,” he said with a small smile, and followed Kenny as he got out of the truck. “Bye Karen! It was real nice to see you,” he said, and she gave him a small, but kind wave. </p><p>Butters tightly gripped the shopping bags in his hands, and looked fearfully to his house that was only a couple paces down the street. The atmosphere of the road around them was the complete opposite to how they felt; kids that were just like how they used to be- running and laughing in the road or playing basketball in their driveways, and catch in their front yards. Butters’ two-story, suburban house looked just as plain and cookie-cutter as the rest, though the things that went on inside it were <em> far </em> from normal. It made Kenny’s heart ache that he was just letting him go back there to his horrible parents who treated him like the shit on the bottom of their shoe. But all he could do was hug him as tight as he could, to let him know how much he fucking cared about him. </p><p>“I’ll see you tonight, okay? Text me when you’re in the clear and I’ll head on over,” he said as he pulled back a little, and tucked his slightly curly, light blonde hair behind his ear. Butters nodded, and cheekily smiled as he stood up on his tippy-toes and gave him a soft kiss to his lips. Butter’s face was bright red as he pulled away, and smiled softly to himself as he looked down at his shoes. </p><p>“B-Bye Ken!” he said cheerfully, and gave him a happy wave as he ran off towards his house.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kenny laughed a little under his breath as he pressed his fingers against his lips and started to get back into the truck. He watched as Butters ran up to the front door, but his smile vanished as his father chucked it open and screamed in his face. Butters seemed to say something, but was pulled into the house by his collar that was gripped by his father’s menacing hand. Kenny gritted his teeth as he heard the distant screams and shouts that echoed from the house where Butters was most likely getting whipped or cut with a knife- he’d seen the scars before when they were changing once, and he felt like vomiting the more he thought about it. </p>
</blockquote><p>Kenny couldn’t take the sound of it anymore, and quickly put the truck back in drive as he began to leave the neighborhood. </p><p>“Oh my god,” Karen whispered as she pressed herself back against her seat frightfully. “W-What do you think he was doing to him? Fuck, actually, I don’t even want to know,” Karen said softly as she shakily shook her head, and pulled her skinny legs up against her chest as she rested her cheek against her bony knees. “J-Jeez, even Daddy’s not that violent,” she shivered, “The only other time I’ve heard someone scream like that was when that crack addict got murdered next door. It was like, twenty stabs in the c-chest or something, remember that? That was horrible, wasn’t it?” she quietly rambled. She always got like that whenever she was scared. </p><p>“..Yeah, it was,” he replied, and took a quick glance at her before he reached over and gently grabbed her hand. “Calm down, Kare-bear, he.. he’s gonna be fine. Butters is tougher than he looks,” Kenny assured her, and Karen nodded a little as she sat up more. </p><p>“Yeah, I know…” she trailed off, “I just don’t want him to get hurt!” she cried, and whimpered as she hid her face in her hands, “I-I love him just as much as-as y-you a-and Kevin, o-or-or Mama, h-hell! Even-Even D-Daddy!” she sobbed, “I-I don’t want anyone else to e-end up like that crack addict!” Karen wailed, and Kenny felt helpless as she sobbed and sniffled into her hands. </p><p>“C’mere baby girl,” he said, and pulled her over to lean against him. Karen immediately clung to him and wrapped her arms around his waist as she cried and hid her face against his stomach. “Shh, it’s okay,” he softly murmured, and brushed her hair as he continued to drive down the road. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Feel Something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Uhhhh.... so.... I don't really know what this is but, I hope you like it! I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in a while! I'm just not really as into the south park fandom as I used to be, but I still enjoy it a whole lot! Idk when I'll update again... probably when inspiration hits or if I feel like it lol :p</p><p>Also I really want to give a big ole thank you to all of you for your support! All of the kudos, comments, and hits that this story is getting really makes me happy to know that people actually like this, and are reading it! THANK YOU!!! :))))))</p><p>PS: song rec from the title; "feel something" by Bea Miller (extra song rec! "Dance Music" by The Mountain Goats) </p><p>Enjoy!!! :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Kenny was harshly awoken by the buzzing of his phone, and what sounded like something was being thrown at his window. He decided to just ignore it and see if it would stop, since he figured that it was probably just some wild animal scavenging through the trash or some old drunk having a fit next door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his face as he stretched out his tired limbs and curled his toes against the end of the mattress. Kenny yawned as he picked up his phone- Kevin’s old blackberry- and doubled back as the brightness of the screen was too much for his barely adjusted eyes. He ran a hand through his greasy hair as scratched at an itch that pestered on his scalp, and he clicked through the new messages he had with the menu button. Seeing that he had a new message from Butters made him smile a little; until he read it, that is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Buttercup &lt;3” sent a message at 12:35 AM:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Ken I’m really sorry to bother you, but can I please come over instead? Dad kicked me out for the night, and I really just wanna be with you</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>“Buttercup &lt;3” sent a message at 12:55 AM</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Please answer, it’s getting really cold </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I’m really, </em>
  </b>
  <b>really,</b>
  <b>
    <em> sorry, I don’t have anywhere to go </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck? The noise at his window wasn’t stopping, and he felt himself growing a little annoyed. What did a guy have to do to get some sleep around here? Kenny sharply exhaled as he stood up and rubbed his eyes, and walked over to his window to see what the hell was making that noise. He probably should’ve expected it, but Butters was standing there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His cheeks were tinted pink from the cold night breeze, and Kenny was horrified to see how bloody he was. His nose was bleeding and dripping down to coat his lips and his chin, and it coated his knuckles from when he probably tried to stop the bleeding. He was only wearing just one of his sweaters and a pair of jeans that were way too big for him, and he must’ve been in a rush because all he had on his feet were some socks. Kenny hurriedly pulled up his shitty and broken window to look at Butters with wide, concerned eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck dude, what the hell happened to you?” Kenny frantically asked, and lifted the smaller boy in by his armpits. Butters didn’t say anything, and cried as he burrowed himself into Kenny’s bare chest. “I’m so sorry dude, I-I was asleep,” he quietly said, and felt the guilt weighing down on him like a ton of bricks. He went to comfortingly rub circles into Butters’ back, but stopped when the lighter blonde whimpered at the touch. “I know it fucking sucks, but can I see? I just wanna help,” he gently encouraged, and sadly frowned as Butters hurriedly shook his head, and whispered ‘no, no, no’ over and over. “C’mon dude, you’ll feel a lot better.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“F-Fine..” Butters softly said after a moment, “J-Just pro-promise you won’t l-laugh..” he quietly added and hesitated as he pulled back from Kenny, turning around to lift up his shirt. The sight was pitiful, to say the least. The bones in his spine popped out, looking so pronounced and bloodied over the harsh wounds that covered his back. There were really old scars, new ones, and fresh ones that were open and bloody. The skin was torn off by some of the lashes, and they were gushing and oozing red as they were left open and exposed. It was cruel and horrifying that anyone could even live with themselves by doing this to someone- especially that person being their own child. “I-I.. I-I’m g-gross, a-aren’t I? I-I’m so sorry..” he whispered as he pulled his shirt down and sniffled and sobbed into his hands. “It hurts so bad, Kenny! God, I feel like I-I’m gonna vomit, I-I.. it-it’s so disgusting... ” he whimpered, and looked at Kenny with watery sad eyes and tear stained cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, don’t say that, Leo. Don’t fucking say that, you’re not gross,” he said kindly- but sternly- and cupped his cheeks as he wiped away his tears with the pad of his thumb. “Don’t you dare talk bad about yourself, alright? You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?” Kenny said, smiling a little, and tilted Butters’ head up a bit to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes were wide and watery, filled with tears that showed no sign of stopping. Butters mouth was left slightly agape at Kenny’s words, with his bottom lip trembling either from his tears or being rendered speechless. He seemed to be left at a loss for words, almost like he didn’t believe him in the slightest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Okay, okay um..” Kenny said after a moment, feeling helpless as he led Butters over to sit on his mattress. “Uh.. I-I’ll be right back, and I’ll get my mom, okay? I think she was a nurse for a while or something, so she’ll know what to do,” he said, and put on a small, encouraging smile, though he felt anything but happy. Butters eyes widened and he vigorously shook his head at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No, please.. p-please, I-I don’t w-want any-anyone else to-to look, p-please..” he quietly begged as he shook his head, and put his face in his hands. Kenny sighed as he ran his hand through his bangs feeling exasperated. “P-Promise me you-you won’t tell, please Kenny?</span>
  <em>
    <span> Please?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” he pleaded with a muffled sob, whimpering as he held back his cries into his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay um.. hold on,” Kenny said, and glanced over at him before he rushed into their disgusting bathroom and rummaged around for some bandages. He swore that he remembered buying some a few weeks ago. Once he found it, he grabbed a little face cloth that was pretty clean and a bar of soap too. He went to the kitchen to get some vodka and a bottle of water. He brought it all back to his room, and sat down next to Butters. “Take your shirt off,” Butters didn’t say anything, “Leo, please, you have to. It’ll be quick, I promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“..Okay..” he sighed, slowly lifted his sweater up and off, and held it in his lap as he looked meek and insecure. Butters’ body reminded Kenny of how he looked up until a few years ago. He thought Butters looked a lot thinner than he used to, but… he didn’t know that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>this bad</span>
  </em>
  <span>. His ribs were poking out, so pronounced that he was more bones than anything else. His collar bones looked like they were about ready to pop out, since they stuck out so much. There were faded bruises along his flat stomach that was slightly concaving in from the lack of food, and his arms were the splitting image of a couple of twigs. “Kenny?” Butters asked softly, and broke him from his horrifying trance of looking at Butters’ malnourished body. He didn’t want to say anything right now, since it probably wasn’t the best time to ask. His questions could wait until tomorrow, all he needed to do now was wrap him up, probably lend him some clothes and let him sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah, sorry,” he said, and looked back up to his face, “Can you turn around?” Kenny asked, and Butters did just that- it made him kind of sad how Butters just listened without hesitation, it was something his parents have probably been drilling into him his whole life. “This is gonna sting,” he warned, and cringed as he lightly poured some of the vodka onto his back to sterilise it. Butters bit down on his lip to keep his sobs at bay, and covered his mouth with hands as he whimpered while Kenny lightly padded the cloth over the wounds. “I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, and gently pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After he cleaned off the wounds he wrapped them up in the bandages and grabbed some scotch tape to keep it together. When he was done, Butters turned around and hugged him while sitting in his lap, letting himself just sink against Kenny. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Kenny?” he mumbled against his shoulder, and Kenny hummed in acknowledgement, “I-I… I-I’m real sorry about all this… I just… Gosh, I-I feel real embarrassed…” he whispered, sniffling a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s chill.. And why would you feel embarrassed? This is a judgement free zone, Buttercup.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters didn’t say anything after that, he just pulled back and hid his face from Kenny as he absentmindedly traced gentle circles with his fingertips on Kenny’s bare chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C-Can I.. Can I get d-drunk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.. why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“..’C-Cause.. I-I…” he paused, “Just.. p-please, Ken?” Butters shot him a pair of extremely irresistable puppy-dog eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and reached over to grab the bottle of vodka, reluctantly handing it to him. Butters then got off of his lap and sat closely next to him as he took a big gulp of the alcohol. He then handed it to Kenny, and they both handed it back and forth as they got tipsy. Kenny lied down on his back, and Butters on top of him. The alcohol was long forgotten as they talked and giggled, and laughed their asses off for absolutely no reason. This probably wasn’t the best way for Butters to cope with his situation, but who was he to judge? He used to snort cat piss, for christ’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey Kenny,” Butters giggled as he gripped his shoulders and shook them a little, “We-We should get a dog someday! Like-Like a um.. Like a big ole’ mutt from the shelter, a-and it’ll be all furry and cute!” he said with a bright smile. Kenny laughed and nodded as he moved down to pepper his neck with kisses. Butters’ giggles from the sensation were like music to his ears. “Ooh, a-and we should go um.. go and live up in Maine at the beaches, ‘c-cause I’ve seen pictures and they just look so pretty, don’t they? Wouldn’t that be wonderful, Ken? W-We could really be free!” he rambled excitedly, and Kenny smiled against his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a dog,” he said after a moment, and loosely wrapped his arms around Butters’ neck. Butters gasped excitedly and stared at him awfully. “He’s out back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really,” he repeated, and Butters giggled as he laid down against his chest, “His name’s Copper. He’s some kind of hound I think, and he’s pretty old too. Apparently my dad found him off the street a little after I was born, or somethin'..” he added. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, Copper? Just like that dog from ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>The Fox and the Hound</span>
  </em>
  <span>’! I love that movie, it’s so sweet!” Butters giggled, “Gee, can I meet him?” he asked as he pulled back, and Kenny chuckled as he nodded. Butters hummed an upbeat tune as he jumped up and hurriedly pulled on his sweater. He waited for Kenny at the doorway as he tapped his foot impatiently, though his smile never dimmed. “C’mon, up and attem', fella!” Kenny snickered as he slowly got up and stretched his arms over his head, before he grabbed his old brown work coat and walked over to Butters. He led him through his house to the backyard. Kenny closed the busted screen door behind them, and walked over to the dog house. He let out a sharp whistle with his fingers, and clapped his hands to get Copper’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Copper, c’mere boy,” he called in an excited tone, and smiled as the old hound slowly stepped out from his dog house. “C’mere, boy!” he exclaimed in a whisper-shout as he bent down a little to slap his hands against his knees. Copper barked as he ran over- though it was more like a slow jog- and jumped up into Kenny as he pressed him down against the ground. Kenny giggled uncontrollably as the old hound slobbered his face, and laughed as he gently pressed his furry face away. “Stop it,” he laughed, and turned to wave Butters over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Copper!” Butters giggled as the dog slowly came over to sniff his outstretched hand, and jumped up to rest his paws on the small boy’s shoulders to stand. He affectionately licked his face, and Butters laughed as he pulled the dog back and gave him some satisfying scratches on his head and behind his ears. “Gosh, he’s so cute! Aw, you’re such a good boy!” he cooed. Copper then rolled over onto his back, and let his tongue roll out as Butters scratched his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny smiled a little as he let himself fall back to lay against the grass. He fished out his trusty ole’ lighter and a pack of cigarettes, he pulled one out and put it between his lips as he lit the end of it. As he took a drag, he watched as Butters ran around with Copper; tossing a dirty tennis ball around, and giggling as he did cartwheels which caught Copper’s attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This new “Drunk Butters” reminded Kenny of the old Butters- the one who was so happy and full of life- the person that Kenny fell in love with. Even admitting that to himself was hard, because having someone you love and would literally die for just makes the thought of losing them even more terrifying. He even felt bad thinking it, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> Butters was still there- that was who he was at heart- Butters was just really sad and lost right now, and Kenny vowed to himself that no matter how hard it would be, he would fix him. He would pick up all those broken pieces and put them all back together; and that’s to say he won’t be exactly like before, but he’ll be a hopefully happy and better version of himself. He had to, because Butters did the same for him. It was his turn to be the moral support, and he would do the best that he fucking could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny!” Butters called as he ran over to him with a bright smile on his face. He quietly grunted as Butters flopped down on top of him, and straddled him as he sat over his stomach. “We should dance! Do you wanna dance?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oops, I forgot to clean your nose,” he snorted as he reached up with his free hand to rub off the dried blood that stained his face. “And dance? We don’t have any music,” he smiled softly, and Butters just flashed him a cheeky smile as he leaned down and gave him a big ole’ kiss on the lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then-Then we’ll just make some,” he retorted as he jumped up, and weakly tried to pull Kenny up with both of his hands, “Jeez, you’re heavy!” he giggled as Kenny did most of the work of getting up, and put out the cigarette to tuck it behind his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, thanks,” he snorted, and Butters giggled as Kenny pulled him closer and placed a gentle hand on his waist. “Um.. bum.. bum.. badum..”  they both snickered as Kenny hummed a beat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can.. Can you sing a song? I always loved it when you sang,” Butters whispered as he rested his head against Kenny’s chest. Kenny smiled softly as he lightly ran his fingers through the back of Butters head, and he rested his cheek against the top of Butters’ soft tufts of hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, okay,” he smiled and cleared his throat a little, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“To lead a better life, I need my love to be here..” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Butters smiled as he hummed along with him, and hid his face against Kenny’s chest. They slowly rocked back and forth, going around in a small circle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Here, making each day of the year</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Changing my life with the wave of her hand</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nobody can deny that there’s something there”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kenny remembered when they were twelve and Butters had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge </span>
  </em>
  <span>obsession with The Beatles for a while, and they would only listen to all of their albums on repeat. They were at his house- always at his house- since his parents didn’t give two shits, but mostly it was because Butters was the only person out of all of his friends that he trusted the most not to make fun of his situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he didn’t- not even once. Butters even said that he loved his house, because Kenny and his siblings were allowed to be free and who they really are. And it didn’t matter that they didn’t have a ton of money, what did was the fact that their house was filled with a whole lot of love- even if they fought sometimes, it didn’t mean that they loved each other any less. Kenny had never really thought about it like that before, but at the time he wasn’t sure that it was true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now he knows that Butters was right; there really was a whole lot of love. He loved Karen, he would fucking die a million times for her. His mom was the best one that anyone could ask for- she always showed them how much she loved all of them. Kevin used to be a dick, but he was a pretty cool brother now, and he did a lot for the family. And with his dad… he still wasn’t sure how he felt about him. He loved him because he was his dad, but he hated the person that he was- at least when he was drunk. For the past few months he’s been trying on and off to get sober, and he wasn’t half as bad as Kenny made him out to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might’ve never even have came to that conclusion if it wasn’t for Butters. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he couldn’t even imagine his life without him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kenny just wanted to help him </span>
  <em>
    <span>so fucking bad. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Seeing him look so sad and broken all the time was fucking heartbreaking to watch. Watching someone you care about </span>
  <em>
    <span>so fucking much </span>
  </em>
  <span>just spiral down into a horrible depression made him feel like he was a pretty shitty excuse for a friend with him not being able to do anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I will be there and everywhere.. Here, there and everywhere..” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kenny finished singing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was so pretty, Ken,” he said softly as he pulled back a little, and he giggled when he noticed Copper licking his exposed ankle. “Gee, aren’t you a sweet lil’ fella,” he cooed, and bent down to sit in front of the old hound. “Y’know, I-I have so much energy right now, I just- I f-feel like I just drank a hundred cups of coffee!” he giggled, and stood up to start chasing around the dog. “Oh gosh, Ken, we should play a game! L-Like um.. Like tag or somethin’!” he said as he did a cartwheel. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With only two people?” Kenny asked, looking to him with an amused smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t forget about Copper! He could totally play too!” Butters replied, and walked over to him with Copper by his side. “You’re it!” Butters then exclaimed with a cheeky smile as he tapped his shoulder and dashed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re on, Stotch!” Kenny playfully teased as he let himself get into it. He zipped up his coat before he started chasing after the smaller blonde, who showed no sign of giving up. Butters giggled and screeched as Kenny started to gain up on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no!” Butters giggled, “God, I’m too young to die!” he fearfully joked, and yelped as Kenny came up behind him and lifted him up by his waist. He lifted the lighter blonde up and held him against his chest, spinning them around in a circle as they laughed. Butters let out uncontrollable fits of giggles as Kenny tickled him, and laughed as Butters thrashed against him. “Ken! Aha- Stop it!” he giggled, and lightly chuckled as Kenny put him down to catch his breath. “Okay.. I-I.. I think I’m.. officially tired now,” he breathed, and airily laughed as he was hunched over with his hands on his bony knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay buddy, let’s get some sleep,” he retorted as he patted his shoulder, yawning a little. “I’m tired as hell..” he groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, but smiled as Butters gently grabbed his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m real sorry for keepin’ you up so late..” he quietly said, looking guilty. Kenny shrugged as he squeezed his hand, and led him down the hall to his room with Copper following behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be,” Kenny assured, and closed his rickety door behind them. Butters laid down with the old hound on the mattress, and was scratching under his ears as he watched Kenny rummage through his dresser. “Here, put these on,” Kenny said, tossing Butters one of his old Metallica tee-shirts and some pajama pants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks!” Butters chirped as he got up, and turned around to pull off his sweater and jeans. He winced a little as he held his arms up, but giggled as he put on the tee-shirt. It tremendously hung off his small frame and it was the same with the pants, as they quickly fell down when he tried to put them on. Kenny laughed as he walked over to him, and as he pulled the pants back up, he pulled the strings as tight as they could go and tied a messy little knot. “T-Thanks,” Butters said again as he gave him a shy smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Kenny took a piss and took off his jacket, they all got settled into bed; Copper included. Butters laid down on top of Kenny’s chest since his back still hurt pretty bad, and loosely wrapped his arms around his neck. Copper rested against his legs, and even Karen came in at around three-thirty in the morning to sleep with him too. He didn’t exactly know how to describe it, but it made him feel.. happy that he was needed in a way. No one had to cuddle against him- Butters could’ve just laid down by himself, and Karen could’ve even slept with Kevin if she really wanted- but the fact that they did just made him stupidly ecstatic. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kenny, it-it’s okay, you’re alright,” Butters whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kenny and held him close. “It was just a bad dream, Ken.. you’re okay,” he said, and pulled back a little to kiss his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he stared down at his shitty and thin blanket that covered his even shittier mattress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you gotta be sorry for?” Butters softly asked and looked at him with a small, kind smile as he tucked a small chunk of Kenny’s greasy and messy hair behind his ear. Kenny just shrugged, and leaned into him again. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he gently pressed, and Kenny shook his head as he pressed his face into Butters’ bony shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“.. I love you..” he incoherently mumbled, and smiled a little as he loosely wrapped his arms around Butters’ neck. He felt Butters smile as he leaned his head against his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” he replied clearly this time, and rested his chin against Butters’ shoulder. They didn’t say anything for a while, just holding onto each other until Kenny’s stomach began to rumble. He laughed as he pulled back, and ran a hand through his hair as he stood up. “Hey, let’s go get something to eat,” he said, diverging topics easily, and held his hand out to pull Butters up. A look of worry overtook Butters’ face, but Kenny just brushed it off as him being concerned about his odd behavior. He grabbed his brown work jacket and zipped it up over his bare chest since he felt cold; they still didn’t have heating in their house. “We got Poptarts yesterday, or maybe Karen made some pancakes, I dunno,” he said as they walked down the hall. Butters didn’t say anything, and grabbed Kenny’s hand to hold onto. Kenny squeezed it a little and let go to sling an arm around his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His whole family was already up; Kevin and his dad were watching T.V with Copper sitting in his dad’s lap, Karen was playing with her cat Kiki- a little calico kitten she rescued last year- in the kitchen, and his mom was making pancakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mornin’ Ma,” Kenny greeted as he walked over with Butters by his side. “Need any help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’m good hon,” she said as she sniffled a little, and raised a brow as she noticed Butters. “Wow, it’s quite the surprise to see ya here, Butters! How’re ya doing, sugar?” Butters smiled a little and leaned in closer to Kenny’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good, how’re you?” he asked politely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, good,” she answered as she quietly sneezed into her elbow, and flipped over a pancake, “When did ya get here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um.. well I..” Butters muttered as he wracked his brain for an explanation, and looked to Kenny for reassurance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His dad kicked him out, so I let him stay here. Sorry I didn’t tell you,” Kenny answered for him, which Butters seemed grateful for. Carol nodded as she hummed in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need to apologize, hon,” she reached out to pinch Kenny’s cheek, making him bat her hand away in embarassment. She then looked to Butters, giving the smaller blonde a kind smile, “An’ no offense Butters, but those parents of yours always seemed a little knocked up in the noggin’ if ya asked me,” she shrugged as she turned her attention back to the pancakes, “And I’m not tryin’ to be nosy, but I have the feelin’ that there’s more to the story than that,” she added as she put on a relaxed smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother’s intuition, I reckon,” she smiled, and turned off the stove to slide the last of the pancakes she made onto a plate. “Get your asses up! Breakfast’s ready!” she called to get the guys’ attention from the living room. “Karen, can ya set the table?” Carol asked, though it was more of a demand than a question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Karen smiled a little and nodded as she got up from the floor to grab some of the slightly chipped plates that they had. Kenny watched in excitement as his mother carried over the plate full of pancakes. Man, he hadn’t had a home cooked breakfast in such a long time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Mama, where’s Butters’ gonna sit? We only have five chairs..” Karen said, putting down the last plate she was holding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I didn’t think about that..” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can sit with me,” Kenny smiled, casting a quick wink to Butters. The lighter blonde looked down to his feet as his cheeks started to tinge pink. He grabbed Butters’ hand as he dragged him over to his usual seat, and as he sat down on the chair he patted his lap invitingly while wiggling his brows. Butters rolled his eyes with a smile as he sat down on top of him, and blushed as Kenny wrapped his arms around his waist to rest his chin on Butters’ shoulder. “If you fart on me, you’re fucking dead,” he teased, and snorted as Butters put his hand over his mouth to suppress his giggles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t hear a peep outta me!” Butters giggled, and Kenny snickered as he lightly leaned against his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s your back doing?” he asked quietly so only Butters could hear. Butters shrugged and leaned back against him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, it just stings a little, but it’s not that bad,” he replied as he absentmindedly ran his fingertips over the dents and carvings that littered the edge of the table. “Um.. I don’t know if I ever said it last night, but t-thank you. I-I….um.. u-usually they get all gross and puss out until they close up, s-so I r-really a-ap-appreciate you helpin’ me,” he said softly while he nervously played with his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to thank me, dude,” he smiled, and played with the little hairs on the back of his neck, “I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Butters didn’t say anything, and just grabbed Kenny’s hand to gently hold it between both of his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Butters!” Karen beamed as she sat down to their right with a plate of pancakes. “It’s really cool that you’re here,” she said as she poured a glass of chocolate milk, “Oh! I want to show you something if you have the time. It’s a secret~ ….and no Kenny, you can’t see it,” she said, casting him a pointed look before he could speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally</span>
  </em>
  <span> betrayed right now,” Kenny drawled as he reached over to put some pancakes on his plate. He grabbed two for him and two for Butters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gee, you must be real hungry, huh?” Butters asked as he noticed the amount of pancakes on his plate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but they’re for both of us. What? Did you think I wasn’t gonna feed you? What kind of friend would I be then?” Kenny replied with a relaxed smirk as he picked up one of the pancakes from the plate and took a big bite from it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um.. I’m alright, thanks though..” Butters mumbled, and Kenny could feel him growing tense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least have a little bit, dude,” he said, and ripped a big chunk of his pancake off and handed it to him, “Just to keep your blood sugar level or some shit, I dunno. I know that when I don’t eat for a while I start shaking like a crack addict,” he smirked, and took another bite of his food. “Damn Ma, these are really good!” he added as he swallowed it down, and grabbed another one off the plate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Butters just held the little piece of the pancake in his hands as he stared down at it. He poked and prodded at the fluffy pastry, and Kenny watched as he tore off an even smaller piece before he swallowed thickly and hesitantly popped it into his mouth. After he did that, he put the chunk back down onto the plate, and leaned back against Kenny again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on, who the hell is this kid?” Stuart asked as he took a sip of his orange juice, keeping a poker-face as he looked to Butters. Carol rolled her eyes and harshly kicked his leg from under the table, making him throw his hands up in confusion. “What? I’m just asking a fucking question!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ, do ya not have any manners?” Carol retorted, looking exasperated. She then sent a pointed look to Kevin, who was biting his lip to contain his laughter, “And he’s been comin’ over here for years! Butters Stotch, does that ring a bell? Or were ya too drunk to remember?” she grumbled as she vigorously cut her pancakes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God dammit, woman! I’ve been going to AA meetings, what more do you fuckin’ want from me?” Stuart argued, “Whatever I do, it’s never fuckin’ good enough for you!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it’s clearly not working, because Kevin told me about your little tantrum last month!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People relapse all the time, bitch! It’s not like it’s fucking news that I slipped up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ya hafta stop doing it in front of the kids, Stuart! Don’t ya think you’ve messed ‘em up enough! What the hell is wrong with ya?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For fucks sake, Carol, they’ve seen worse! Not everything’s my fucking fault!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something ya wanna say, Stuart? ‘Cause we can talk, right now.” Carol said sharply, putting down her silverware to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah bitch, I have a lot on my fucking mind-” he started, but was interrupted by Karen quickly standing up, which made her chair loudly skid as it was backed up on the tile floor. Karen slammed both of her hands on the table, looking at both of her parents with such a sternness that none of her family members had ever seen before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mama, Daddy, stop it! We were all having a good morning, let’s not ruin it over some petty arguments.. please? Butters shouldn’t have to listen to this either..” she said, her stern gaze turning into pleading, that it made both of her parents falter as they saw her watery eyes. Carol then smiled a little, and placed her hand atop of her daughter’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, I’m sorry sweetie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.. same here,” Stuart awkwardly added, glancing over at Karen before looking back down at his food. Karen smiled, looking pleased and proud of herself as she sat back down. Kevin started laughing his ass off at hearing his father apologize too, which made Kenny snicker a little too at his brother’s contagious laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my fucking god,” Kevin breathed, trying to contain himself, “You just got told off by a fucking fourteen year old,” he snorted as doubled over in his chair, and laughed even harder when Carol kicked his foot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kevin James McCormick, quit it right now!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he wheezed, and snickered a little before he calmed himself down. “I’m not laughing at you, girlie,” Kevin added, leaning over to look at her, “You were badass.” Karen smiled and blushed at that, and sent her eldest brother a bright smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um.. I’m done, thanks Mama! Oh Butters, can you come with me?” she asked, and her smile brightened as the lighter blonde nodded a little. Butters sent a look to Kenny before he was whisked away down the hall by Karen to her shared room with Kevin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they two balls of sunshine left the room, the ones who remained were left in a slightly awkward silence. Kenny continued to chow down on his pancakes as he glanced around at his family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a weird morning. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Just Know That If You Hide, It Doesn't Just Go Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>basically a continuation on last chapter!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiya! You probably thought I dropped this, didn't you? :) Nope! I was in a slump for a while because of a lack of ideas and how hectic school has been! Anyways, I'm sorry this is so short! I just realized that I didn't add this to chapter six, for some reason :/ so I added some things to it and fixed it up! I even added a little bonus scene at the end! I hope you guys enjoy it! </p>
<p>So, here's the usual music rec! With the months that I've been away I've found a ton of cool songs I'd love to share! </p>
<p>title inspo: "Little Dark Age" by MGMT (personally, I liked listening to the slowed down version best!) and an extra song rec! I've been listening to vocaloid again, so.. this one's reminds me of spoopy month :)) ; "Trick and Treat" by Rin &amp; Len</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.. so Karen, what is it that you wanted to show me?” Butters asked as he sat down next to her on the carpet that was matted and dirtied from years of use and the lack of care taken towards cleaning it. He played with the loose fabric of Kenny’s old pajama pants as he looked to Karen curiously. She just smiled as she pulled a small box from under her mattress and between the box-spring. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here, look,” she said, and lifted up the cover to reveal to him a small silver ring with a heart sitting atop of the center of the silver band. There was a small note that was folded up under it, and Karen giggled as she pulled the ring out and proudly displayed it on her finger. “Ike gave it to me, isn’t it pretty? It’s a promise ring,” she whispered the last part. “We promised to love each other forever- the kind of love that would make me his wife,” Karen gushed and smiled softly as she looked down at it. “Can you imagine that? I’d be Karen Broflovski, and we’d have babies,” she gently sighed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even though she was pretty young for something like that, Butters still thought it was adorable. He didn’t know Ike all that well, but he always seemed like a really nice guy, so he could only hope that he was treating Karen how she deserved. It was sweet to see her be in love at such a young age, though Butters couldn’t judge, since he himself had been in the same boat. As extreme as it sounded, at age thirteen he knew that he would love Kenny McCormick till the day he died; Butters knew Kenny was the only one, there was no one else for him. Even if what they’re exploring now never happened, he would still want to stay by his side, even if he would just end up blending into the background. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s so sweet, Karen! I’m awful happy for you, hon,” Butters smiled as he held her hand, and pulled her into a quick hug. “So, have you told Ken?” Karen’s eyes widened at that, and she rapidly shook her head as she sheepishly played with the ring on her finger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.. no, he would kill me! Well.. not me, probably Ike,” she grimaced, “He’s so overprotective, like, I haven’t even told him about me and Ike in the first place! He would flip out and go hunt him down or something..” she grumbled, and suddenly looked up at him intensely, looking desperate. “You won’t tell him, will you? Please? I really wanted to tell someone, but I don’t want Kev and Kenny to go all wild on me and keep me locked up from my boyfriend and-” she rambled, and Butters cut her off by covering her mouth with his hand. Once she seemed to calm down a little, he pulled his hand back and held it in his lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise, Karen. I won’t tell him,” he smiled, and held out his pinky to seal the deal, “we don’t want him to go on and scare Ike off. God knows that poor boy doesn’t deserve it..” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!” she gratefully mumbled into his shirt as she pulled him into a tight hug. “Oh my god, Butters, I love you so much! Y’know, when I tell Kenny about Ike, I really want you to be there. You’re like, the only person that keeps him sane,” she giggled as she pulled back, and yelped as she heard footsteps coming down the hall and towards the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Karen clumsily took the ring off her finger and put it back into the little box before she stuffed it back under her mattress. Kevin came in with Kenny following behind, and the older boy glanced at them before he flopped onto his bed and pulled out a magazine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s up?” Kenny asked with a small smile as he plopped down in front of them, crossing his legs. “Don’t worry, I won’t waste my breath asking about your secret,” he smirked as he rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” Karen replied with a cheeky smile, and quickly pulled herself up from the floor. “Oh yeah, um.. can you guys please go? I have to change,” she said as she walked over to her side of the closet and rifled through it to find something to wear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you need to dress up for? It's Saturday,” Kenny said, and watched as she pulled out a dark blue dress and one of Kenny’s old work coats that didn’t fit him anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go to the synagogue with Ike and his family!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What…? why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but anyway, we were talking about religion and stuff, and we were discussing our beliefs,” she replied as she walked over to her broken mirror to put her hair up into her usual little pigtails, “so we both thought that they were both pretty cool, and we wanted to experience both of them to get to know another important part of each other! I’m going with him today and then he’s gonna go with us tomorrow!” she explained with a smile, and clipped in a pair of blue bows over her pigtails. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh.. that’s pretty cool, I guess,” Kenny shrugged and smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck. Butters smiled, he thought it was really adorable. He stood up and grabbed Kenny’s hand to pull him up as well, and stood in the doorway as he looked back at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, we’ll leave you be! Have fun, Karen,” he waved as he walked Kenny back to his room. Butters let go of his hand and laid back down on the bed, since Copper was still there and he wanted to pet him. Kenny laid down across from him on the other side of the dog, and rested his hand on his cheek as he looked at the smaller blonde. “What’re you thinking about, Ken?” Butters asked after a moment of silence between them passed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing really,” Kenny shrugged, and kept his eyes trained on Copper’s back. “I just feel like she’s hiding something from me, I guess. I’m not gonna pry or anything, but I just hope it’s not anything bad, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.. well.. I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready, Ken. I don’t think it’s a bad thing though, she seems pretty happy to me,” Butters replied, and Kenny shrugged as he flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. They both didn’t say anything for a while, and Butters occasionally glanced over at him as he continued to scratch the top of the old hound’s head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’re you thinkin’ about?” Kenny asked, breaking Butters from the blank and depleting feeling that he was starting to sink into. Kenny’s face was leaned close in front of him, with his head tilted to show his curiosity and child-like amusement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters swallowed nervously, but then put on a small smile, “Um.. you..” he giggled nervously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what about me?~”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Buttes giggled, smiling as he pressed his face against Kenny’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, I’m really curious!” Kenny said with a smirk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Awww… </span>
  </em>
  <span>I love you too, Leo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters groaned as he backed away from him, rolling his eyes as he flopped back against Kenny’s mattress. Kenny followed in suit, pulling the lighter blonde on top of him to lay on his stomach, smiling coyly at him. Butters smiled softly, hiding his burning cheeks against Kenny’s shirt, and giggling when he felt a hand brush through his hair. Butters once again rolled off of him, sticking his tongue out at the darker blonde as he crawled back over to Copper, giggling as he patted the old hound’s head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, okay.. I see how it is.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep, you caught me! I’m only friends with you so I can see your dog!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even though you only found out he existed yesterday?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly!” Butters giggled, and blushed when he saw the way that Kenny was staring at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, c’mere,” Kenny quietly said, and held his hand out across the dog’s back for Butters to take.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Butters held onto his calloused fingertips and slowly walked over to lie down on top of him. Kenny pulled him closer, and smiled as he sat up and snaked his arms around Butters’ waist to hold him in his lap. Butters wrapped his short and bony legs around Kenny’s back, and his arms around his neck. He leaned back a little to brush Kenny’s bangs out of his face, and smiled softly as he pressed butterfly kisses to Kenny’s cheeks. Kenny airily laughed as Butters pulled back, and leaned in to capture Butters’ lips in his, biting his bottom lip to seek entrance into his mouth. Butters breathily giggled against his lips as he gently pushed Kenny onto his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, you’re real confident today, aren’t ya?” Kenny teased, and smirked as Butters leaned in to kiss him again. But then what felt like it was out of nowhere, Kenny’s face turned to be slightly upset, pausing before he pushed him back a little. It made Butters feel pretty confused- didn’t he like it? Butters guessed that he probably wasn’t all that great compared to all of the other people Kenny’s been with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, we should probably talk.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“W-What..? What do you mean?” Butters asked albeit a little defensively as he frowned in confusion and crawled off of him. Kenny sighed as he sat up, looking serious, but mostly concerned. Butters insecurly picked at the fabric of his pajama pants with downcast eyes, biting his lip to hold back the tears that he could already feel were building up. “..Y-You-You don’t really like me, do you? It was all just a joke to you, like everything else... th-that’s what you mean-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no.. dude,” Kenny assured, and placed a hand on his knee, “I really like you, Leo. Seriously. I just think we should talk about what happened last night, y’know?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I don’t think we should..” he mumbled, biting his lip as he tried to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes. He didn’t want to cry again- he didn’t want to be a crybaby. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just worried about you, dude. I just want to know what happened, that’s all. Fuck, maybe we could even go to the cops or something..” Kenny shrugged, and reached over to brush his rough fingertips over Butters’ bony knuckles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! No.. They won’t do anything, Ken.. they never do, ‘cause they suck,” Butters glanced up at him but quickly averted his eyes back to his lap. “A-And what happened is that he took out the belt,</span>
  <em>
    <span> obviously</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he shakily- but sharply- added, gesturing to his back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long has he been doing that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um.. since uh..” he counted with his fingers, “Seventh grade,” Butters answered, to Kenny’s surprise, “It wasn’t much at first- he just roughed me up a little. But really, it was when um.. well, E-Eric told my dad that he saw me kissing um.. k-kissing Stan.. Which I did! But it wasn’t like what we do… h-he just wanted to try kissing a boy a-and I did too..” he mumbled, and hid his face in his hands to hide his now burning red cheeks. “G-Gosh.. This is so embarrassin’...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, dude. I’ve kissed him too, but we’re just bros, so it didn’t mean anything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“..Okay, okay! J-Just ask your questions already…” he groaned into his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“..What happened yesterday, Butters?” Kenny carefully asked after a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“H-He was um.. He was just so mad, Ken..” Butters whispered, and crawled over to hug him and hide himself against Kenny’s chest, “H-He saw me talkin’ to you, a-and he just.. He was so m-mean..” he whimpered, and pressed his face against Kenny’s shoulder. “I was screamin’ and cryin’ and he just wouldn’t stop.. B-but then he said he saw us kissin’... a-and it got real bad, Ken. I-It-It’s all just a big ole’ blur…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” Kenny softly murmured as he rested his cheek against the top of Butters’ head, “I’ll fucking kill him, I swear.” he said as he gritted his teeth, and held Butters a little tighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, don’t do that! He just wasn’t in-in a good mood, you know? I’m not mad at him, ‘cause I deserved it anyway..” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Butters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no one </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking deserves that, especially not you. Hell, not even Cartman- not even for all the horrible shit he’s done.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But he said that he only does it because he loves me. He loves me, Kenny, I know he does.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude.. if he really loved you, he would never want to see you hurt… not ever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, he loves me!” Butters cried into his shoulder, “You-You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about Ken..” Butters said as he pulled back and crawled away from him. “He-He may be mean sometimes.. but he loves me, I know he does!” he stumbled as he quickly stood up, looking at Kenny with tear stained cheeks. “Th-That’s what love is! P-People hu-hurt you, but-but then it’s all okay again. A-And sometimes they can be mean, but that’s only ‘cause they care about you, o-or they’re just hurtin’ inside..” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not love, Butters, that fucking abuse!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like you’d know any better!” Butters retorted as he rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least my family actually fucking loves me!” Kenny yelled back, but that’s when he realized he went too far. “..Hey..I-I didn’t…dude...” he tried to say, but faltered as he watched Butters stare at him with wide eyes and trembling lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like everything was momentarily slowed down to trap Butters into this little, faraway space where he was stuck to go through replaying every, single, interaction they had just had, and piece together the moment it went wrong. His mind swirled into an endless cycle of him processing what had just been said. Was it true? Was he really… unloved? Did his parents actually care, and saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>“everything we did was for you”</span>
  </em>
  <span> really the truth? Or was he just reading into Kenny’s words too much? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“T-That was- that was so low, Kenny,” he spat out once he finally found it in him to speak, and protectively curled his arms against his chest. “H-How could you say something like that?” he whispered as he cried into his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it, Butters,” he said as he stood up, and tried to pull him into a hug, though Butters didn’t move. “I didn’t mean what I said. It’s not true, okay? They love you- fuck, even my family loves you too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-Okay…” he sniffled, and pulled back slightly to wipe his eyes, “It-It’s okay.. It was j-just.. just a heat of the m-moment thing, r-right?” Butters said and smiled a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters knew Kenny didn’t mean it, he was just upset, and Butters was too; that’s always when people say things that they don’t really mean. His motto was to just forgive and forget, because he didn’t like holding grudges with anyone over stupid things… and conflict wasn’t something he liked either..</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, exactly,” Kenny replied, and reached out to gently wipe away his tears with the pad of his thumb. “But..what your dad’s doing to you isn’t okay,” he said seriously, and held Butters’ face between his hands as he looked at him. “They’ve brainwashed you into thinking it is, but that’s not how you treat people that you care about. Be honest, how do you feel when you’re around him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“.. Nervous..” he mumbled, avoiding eye-contant with Kenny. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.. How do you feel when you’re with me?” Kenny asked with a cheeky smile, and Butters blushed as he looked down at his feet. Kenny chuckled at his reaction and reached over to tuck some of his hair behind his ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um…” he nervously giggled, “.. S-Safe and.. warm,” he said softly, and shrugged as he nervously rubbed the ball of his foot back and forth across the carpet. “Th-That sounds silly, doesn’t it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, it’s sweet,” Kenny smiled, and pressed a soft kiss onto the tip of his nose, which made Butters giggle at the sensation.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you? Like, when you’re with me, I mean,” he asked out of curiosity, looking up at Kenny expectantly. Kenny smirked and bit his lip as he thought about it, glancing down at him with a cheeky smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I feel safe too, ‘cause I trust you a lot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And </span>
  </em>
  <span>you make me feel strong, and like, you make me want to be a better person. And during spring break, I was thinking about you a lot,” he laughed airily, and moved to cup Butters’ cheek in his hand as he ran his thumb across his light dots of freckles,  “And I was just thinking </span>
  <em>
    <span>all the time</span>
  </em>
  <span> about how much I needed to see you again so I could sweep you off your feet,” he smirked, and Butters giggled as he leaned into his touch. Kenny was just too sweet- but he was just saying all of that, right? There was no way he could see any of that in someone like him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’re such a charmer,” Butters teased as he pulled away, and walked back over to sit back next to the dog. Copper moved over to rest his head against Butters’ thigh, and let out a heavy sigh as he adjusted himself till he was comfortable. Butters smiled as he pet his head, and looked up at Kenny, surprised to see that he looked rather quizzical, but not the kind where it’s funny- instead he looked rather upset. “What? W-Was it something I said?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t kidding. I meant it, dude.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“..O-Oh...” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously, Butters. Not everything’s a joke to me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I never said it was-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did, dude. And we’re always just throwing everything under the fucking rug, but we can’t do that anymore. It’s not gonna get us anywhere. So.. no more lies, no more secrets, no more bullshit.” Kenny said, looking quite serious. “Spill dude, what’s up with you? We both know something’s bothering you.” he pressed- albeit a little harshly- and Butters just stared at him for a moment, not really knowing what to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to run. He wanted to just run away from this situation, because facing this problem head on was too scary. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure that he was really ready for it yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“K-Kenny, I-I..I don’t really want to talk about this anymore…” he said with downcast eyes, keeping himself focused on petting Copper so he wouldn’t burst into tears or have a panic attack or something. “You barely tell me anything e-either, so why do I have to? It’s not fair of you to do this, Kenny.. I just.. I just wanna have a happy day with you..” Butters quietly said, and sniffled as he went to wipe his eyes. “A-And.. I-I I-I’m not ready yet! I-I.. I don’t even know what to say!” he whimpered, and hid his face in his hands, “I-I don’t.. I don’t- I-I just want it to stop! I just want it all to be over!” he sobbed, and leaned down to muffle his cries onto Kenny’s sheets. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck..” Kenny whispered as he sat next to Butters as he pulled him up and into his arms. He lied down on his back and held Butters against him as he ran his fingers through his hair in gentle motions. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry..” he said, but Butters could barely hear him as he sobbed embarassingly loud against his chest. “I’ll tell you everything, okay? I didn’t mean to make you cry, I swear.. I just wanna help you, that’s all..” Kenny assured as he rubbed circles against his shoulder blades, trying to not bother his wounds. He gently patted his hair, and pressed a kiss to the top of Butters’ head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Butters didn’t say another word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>C’mon</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I said I was sorry!” Kenny dramatically whined as he tugged on the back of his jacket, clinging onto the fabric as he leaned over Butters’ shoulder to flash him an adorable-looking pout. As much as Butters wanted to give in… he quickly turned his head away in the opposite direction, and crossed his arms over his chest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tsk..” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god! Did you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘tsk’</span>
  </em>
  <span> me??” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep, you deserve it!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>